Just saw this! It’s been submitted. Look forward to that discussion.

These are good enough questions to deserve their own My Faith Hurdle.. will you re-submit it as one?

Would love to tackle them in their own post.

Jonalyn

I don’t think we are. I think that at a certain age, we choose to sin.

Not that it matters with this particular post, just something that I think about a LOT. If we have no choice but to sin, then how are we supposed to feel remorse?

Regardless, How are we supposed to feel? Awful, because our sin nailed Jesus to the cross.

How do most of us feel? Apathetic at best. Honestly, I don’t know of anyone who feels fully what they’re supposed to feel, which is why we ask God daily for atonement. I think if we fully felt the shame of sin, we wouldn’t be able to stand up from the weight of it.

Perhaps it’s a natural protection…denial of the extent of our sin.

Anyway, I feel you. I’m in the same boat many times.

Sorry for the rambling.

I actually feel the same way. The shame and the battle with lust. I don’t have much else to say, only that I know what you’re going through.

It’s very courageous of you to share this here. Thank you. At least I know I’m not alone.

This line above really resonated with me: If I’ve spent 20 years practicing being mean, I shouldn’t be totally surprised if I still struggle with it 5 years after giving my life to Jesus. Unlearning what we’ve learned wrong doesn’t always happen overnight.

Thank you!

Imagine that the crown of thorns on Jesus’ head at Calvary represents all of the potential lusts that you could ever have in life. And the legal authority of the day tried to make fun of Jesus by placing all of these lusts on His head and claiming that he was “King of the Jews–or perhaps “king of all the dreamers with their silly ideas.” But then with their authority, they try to condemn Jesus even further by hitting the crown of thorns with a heavy reed so the thorns actually lodge into his skull. Suddenly the lusts of the world have penetrated the skin and the skull of the only person in the world who was capable of living without sin.

Now imagine that you are a tiny bird who sees these thorns as a familiar nest. So you land right in the center of Jesus’ head and you rest. You are quite familiar with the thorns, because they represent the lusts of the world. But you rest in the middle of them all, knowing that beneath your perch is the perfect mind of your Creator.

The lusts remain as represented by the thorns, because they are lodged into the skull by the representatives of authority. There is nothing you can do about them. You can’t fight to remove them. You can’t even get close to them without endangering yourself by their sharpness. But you do not concern yourself with the thorns. Instead you determine to be at peace, knowing that you are resting on the mind of Christ.

Perhaps this is a silly picture. But I felt it definitely helped me when I was struggling with the same battle for the mind.

We are encouraged to have the mind of Christ. How do we do that as believers? I think it’s by resting in him in the middle of the thorns, knowing that He’s already received the damage and is making everything new.

Tears can lead to healing as they did for Peter following his denials of Jesus. But I’m convinced that the heart of Jesus is that we not be overwhelmed with sorrow. So what do we do about it?

The first insight for me is that the people who get better are generally the people who know that God loves them even if they don’t get better. So I think square one, the foundational “discipline” is to sink my roots deeper and deeper into the forgiving love of God. The joy of the Lord is our strength, and soaking up that love brings joy. I need to reflect on the good news that Jesus has brought me into God’s family most every day, so that it sinks deep into my heart. When you say you are tired, I’m inclined to encourage you to just rest, bask in the sunshine of God’s present, immeasurable love.

A second insight is that it is part of the gracious work of the Spirit to help me see how much I need for grace of Jesus. Just because I see more clearly my failures and dispositions to disobey does not mean that I’m not growing or getting worse. It just means that the Spirit knows I’m ready for or would benefit from a bit more of the reality that God already knew when sending Jesus to die for the ungodly. It keeps me humble and real ! If I’ve spent 20 years practicing being mean, I shouldn’t be totally surprised if I still struggle with it 5 years after giving my life to Jesus. Unlearning what we’ve learned wrong doesn’t always happen overnight. Sometimes I cheer myself up by reminding myself of the fact that I’m probably a lot worse than I now realize!

A third insight for the weary is to learn that power over specific sins of the spirit such as lust and malice doesn’t always come through direct effort. A golfer doesn’t always hit straighter and further by just trying harder. Rather it involves quieting the mind, concentrating on making contact with the ball, aiming for a target but not worrying where the ball lands until the follow through is done. A golfer might also benefit from different kinds of physical conditioning. So also, in the spiritual life, as the Spirit grows you in other areas besides lust and malice, you might find yourself struggling less with those areas as well. Toward that end, as you feel your joy and strength in the Lord returning, you can experiment with various disciplines like confession, service, solitude and fellowship. Pursue those disciplines that lead you into joy and awareness of God’s powerful presence.

Blessings and may you know the loving presence of God that passes knowledge.

My heart hurts for you. Not because you’re a terrible person, but because you are just like all of us. And we all face these feelings of self-hatred and shame.

They are not from God.

We all battle these feelings of shame. The most important first step you have already taken, to share the fear and shame with other.

Shame will die if you share it and find you are not alone.
And you are not alone in this.

Let me start you off by sending you to my short article on lust (eve though it’s about women lusting I think it perfectly applies to your feelings of aloneness), I think if you read it and read the comments you’ll find you’re among many who battle feelings of sinfulness.
http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/2009/06/lust-alive-and-well-among-women.html Also read: my post at ChristianityToday and be sure to check out the comments: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/03/confessions_of_a_lustful_chris.html#comments

Again, you are not alone.

Second, for battling these feelings more successfully you need to invite Jesus into your struggle. Check out part 2: http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/2009/08/lust-alive-and-well-among-women-part-ii.html especially the last part.

It is vital that you continue to feel what YOU feel, that you stop TRYING to MAKE yourself feel something you SHOULD feel. Our emotions are like the lights on a dashboard of the car, they tell us what’s going on inside. Don’t ignore the lights, even if they’re inconvenient or feel “wrong”. Pay attention to what happens to you when you sin, pay attention to what happens right before you sin. And remember these feelings, no matter what they are, are precious in God’s sight. His heart is inclined toward you, his eyes rest with hope on you.

God wants to walk with you into these feelings. For more insight on that idea see here: http://soulation.org/breakfastreading/?p=2723

He will not let you go because he wants you. God is near to you, even if he feels far.

Third, it is very possible that you are suffering from more than feelings of failure. Have you considered that you may be facing depression? Here are a few posts that may help you determine that. http://soulation.org/breakfastreading/?s=depression Start at the bottom and work up.

Fourth, I’d love to know, after you read the suggested reading above, how this makes you feel and if you have more questions!

Glad you took the courageous step to ask here!