Do you become “spiritually single” when a God-fearing husband falls out of love with Jesus?

Each person heals at his or her own rate. Furthermore, what one person finds healing, may be problematic for the next.

At funerals I often tell people we gather to wrap our arms around one another, hoping that our faith might strengthen the faith of friends and relatives, might bridge the small dark spot of doubt that lies at the pit of each person’s soul, and hoping that someone’s faith might bridge the dark spot within our soul.

I hear the writer grieving that when she approaches her husband to bridge a doubt in her soul, she finds a sign that reads “bridge out.”

Yet, I have never met a person totally devoid of faith. Even when the main span of a bridge has been destroyed, abutments or beams remain, perhaps only a single cable spans the gap, not enough to properly support a soul, just a strand for Connection. A strand so fragile the user fears any added stress might rend it as well. So the sign reading bridge out is enlarged and flashing lights and a fence are added.

Sometimes, the jagged edges of a damaged bridge deters repairs, reminding the Owner and the user of what had been and the hurt, and the bridge must be totally removed before a new bridge can be erected. During reconstruction the bridge remains fragile and not suitable to support anyone other than the Builder. So the sign remains.

As long as the warning remains posted, avoid this bridge to span the troubled waters of your soul. Surely the Owner (God) and the Builder (Christ) have arranged for another, perhaps less obvious, Connection (the Spirit) until a rejuvenated span is ready to be opened.

During repairs you will learn less obvious and threatening means of support, techniques that will help others bearing a fence and a sign that warns “Bridge Out.”

Rejoice when beyond the fence you see an old abutment or cable, or perhaps a new truss, for God has patience that surpasses understanding.

SJM,
I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. My husband and I talked about your question because he sometimes has doubts and questions. We’re not always on the same page spiritually and because we’ve had different experiences don’t always come to the same conclusions. But I have to ask myself did I marry him Only for his walk with God and “leadership”? No, there were a lot of reasons and I can’t base the quality of our relationship on one factor. I realize it’s a big factor, not like him changing his favorite color. However, he’s still the same person. He’s just searching and questioning. I have to take responsibility for my own relationship with Jesus and support him where he’s at.

As far as your question about why God let this happen if He’s all knowing? At the time this was a good decision. Its probably still a good decision. I don’t think God gives us peace about life decisions based on what could happen. We live in the present and ask God for wisdom now, not based on the future of now. Free will also plays a part. Thinking this way has kept me from becoming bitter about things that have happened to me. God is always for me, even when circumstances are really hard.

I know you can’t “hear” my voice but I say all these things with compassion knowing that I could be in your exact spot one day.

It’s such a blessing to know how much you love your husband. Being burdened for our neighbor, whether it’s a husband, friend, acquaintance, or the guy at the bus stop who always looks like he’s carrying the world on his shoulders, is something Jesus demonstrated often. I don’t remember where I heard it the first time, but I love the Edith Stein quote, “As for what concerns our relations with our fellow men, the anguish in our neighbor’s soul must break all precept. All that we do is a means to an end, but love is an end in itself, because God is love.” I heard a lot growing up in an IFB home that the church talks too much these days about love, and doesn’t tell people enough about God’s holiness and things like judgement of sin, etc. What I heard them saying sounded like talking about love is stupid because holiness and judgement of sin is much more satisfying and important to God, and therefore should be for us. It wasn’t until years later that I started studying Scripture for myself, and Judaism, and tikkun olam, and found that Jesus was very clear that love is the most important thing in the world, and the most important thing for believers to learn, and listed many times in Scriptures as the most important thing. It changed my views on my faith, because I began to learn that everything I had been taught to live in as a believer was taught through the lense of sin, not grace. All of those other qualities – holiness, judgement, etc. – do exist, but only because of love, and tempered by perfect love and grace, mercy – all of the fruits of the spirit. I realized that God taught the fruits of the Spirit, and not just to add another requirement to a list of things I’d better do or I’ll get hammered by His endless perfection and sternness. I realized that those fruits are part of His very nature, and that I was created to live them out through relating to Him as part of His mission to help heal my soul, and it’s not about me following a list, but leaning into trust and those qualities because I’m loved.
Maybe this is God’s call to lead yourself, and give your husband the room he needs. It sounds like you want a good thing, but sometimes God denies us a good thing so that we can learn a better thing. I have a friend in a similar situation, and she said one of the biggest things she is learning that has become a constant blessing to her is that she can trust God’s control of the situation, and live out the Gospel to her husband through her personal fruits of the spirit that she has re-grounded and grown with God, independent of her desire for her husband to partner in it. My friend wanted her husband to be with her faith walk and realized she was stunting her own growth by holding herself back out of guilt, and out of fear of the different dynamic her growth brought. She is learning to grow and love him through her growth. I believe God does know all things, but I also believe He craves the wholeness of our souls, and allows things to happen that tear away things that hold us back because we’re valuing them as idols that cut off parts of our heart from Him. I think the fact that you’re willing to ask the honest question about God knowing shows the desire of your heart is for God. You know you’re in pain, and you know what you have been taught and believe, but found the combination of the two difficult to accept or resolve in your mind. I believe the point of the things we go through is to help us grow, and also that these things sometimes come into our lives because there is dirty messy sin in the world, and it affects us. It affected both of you. God’s love and desire for our wholeness overcomes sin, and this may be an opportunity God is giving you to grow yourself, and live that growth to your husband – not lecturing or nagging or pointing out, but just living out to him the good things growing in your heart.
I’m not sure if I’m making sense, but trust God and bask in His love, and love on your husband through what God shows you about how to love. Deny fear with love, and you will be stronger for it, and it will spread to those people around you. After all, God created us to be whole people, and because of sin, He created a path to wholeness that overwhelms and defeats sin, but the journey of how to see wholeness and learn what it looks like and sounds like and how it feels is the process that is both our trial and our blessing.