How do I stop wanting to be married without lying to myself and God?

Hi SearchingForACause,

Love and appreciate your honesty. I found that for me, once I found a church community that poured into me and that I could pour into – one of authenticity, intimacy, and vibrancy – that I became much more satisfied as a single person. I still desired to find a life partner, but so many of my needs that I had projected onto needing from a potential spouse were being met by my community. I felt “settled” in that I could be honest before God that I still wanted to be married, and yet satisfied and joyful that he had provided for me in such a tangible way. For me, the “cause” you mention was living out the Kingdom in the local church.

-Alicia

This is not an easy battle… I know well the desire for spiritual intimacy with another like-minded person. My step mother married my father when she was in her mid 40′s. She had never been married. There was also an unspoken desire to be led in her walk by a man after God’s own heart. She had one prayer: “Lord, make me into a godly woman, that a godly man could love.”

This prayer has always resonated with me.

Let me ask you something about God’s rewards. Regardless of popular theology, do you believe that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him? Yes (Heb 11:6). Okay, new question: what are our good works to God? They’re worth nothing right (Isa 64:6)? Does God owe you something for your service to God? No, He doesn’t (Luke 17:7-10). But God will work all things together for good to those who love God (Rom 8:28).

He will supply all your needs according to His riches, in Glory, by Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3). Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your request be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind through Christ Jesus our Lord (Phil 4:6-7).

Practically speaking, trust that God will do the best thing, whatever that is. If it is the best thing for you, you can believe that God WILL bring a husband TO YOU. You will not have to compromise. Until that day, find your intimacy in Christ and through a healthy interaction with your brothers and sisters. Find where God wants you to serve, pray that God furthers your growth, and give your life away to those around you. When you do, there is nothing that will draw a spiritually mature man like a spiritually mature servant woman who is always taking the lower seat. May God bless His plan for you my friend.

His,
Tyler