I grew up a pastor’s kid. We’ve never had money, and I have been called to be a pastor myself. My first training: a very, very expensive private school. One that does not offer enough scholarship, and the government seems to think my parents have more money to contribute than they actually do. God has called me to this place, He has also called me to get married…soon. Less than 5 months. Our budget is teeny tiny, but still nearly impossible.

I am not expecting blessing upon blessing but God is not providing for us at all. I received an email recently from my mom talking about my parent’s financial situation and the fact that my dad cannot get a job (full time missionary, though my mom works for a non-profit). They have many medical bills to pay, and a house thousands of miles away from them that God has chosen not to sell.

What do I do, as a Bible student, who is desperately trying to seek the kingdom first, when God is not providing for our needs? When those things to which He has called me are putting more financial responsibility on me than I can handle and causing me to go into a great deal of debt (i.e. student loans)? How do I handle a faith crisis like this?

I was listening to a sermon by Dallas Willard, and he said that many conversions happen when people are at the end of their rope and God is there. Well, I am at the end of my rope, but God is not here. What do I do with that?