I am questioning my faith.
Maybe those words make you uneasy. I know if I said that to certain people, I’d likely leap into “urgent” status on their prayer list. So let me clarify.
In eighth grade, I was required to write a faith essay for my confirmation class. I went to the dictionary for help and quoted this definition, “Faith is a belief or trust that does not question or ask for proof.”
Fourteen years later I read that definition and shake my head. Really? No questions. No evidence. No doubts. Is that faith? Where are the examples of such faith in my bible? Where are the testimonies of unwavering certainty? Surely it’s not when the three amigos are tossed into a bonfire saying, “Even if he does not save us.” And it’s surely not the time when Jonathan tells his young bodyguard, “Perhaps the Lord will save us.” And it can’t be when Gideon uses a fleece blanket like a coin flip. And it’s definitely not when Thomas regards the talk of Jesus’ resurrection as mere fairy tale until he sees the holes in Jesus’ hands for himself.
If anything, on page after page in the bible, I find stories and people who give me permission to question my operational definition of faith. They show me that faith moves in ambiguity and wrestles with tension about as intensely as Jacob wrestled with God. I’m learning, like author Frederick Buechner, that “faith is better understood as a verb than as a noun, as a process than as a possession. It is on-again-off-again rather than once-and-for-all. Faith is not being sure of where you’re going, but rather going anyway. A journey without maps. Tillich said that doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.”
When faith is defined as absolute confidence, or as a possession, I think of a murky pond full of water that’s not moving. It’s stale and stagnant. It’s not inviting to others. No one wants to jump in for fear of all the algae.
But faith as process, faith invigorated by questions and doubt and thinking, has moving water. It’s active and lively. It’s engaged with life, whether beautiful or messy. It pulls others into its current and lets them know it’s okay to get wet.
Wonderful! Thanks for this celebration of faith.
nice post buddy, i can’t believe that’s the dictionary definition, but unfortunately it seems that’s at least what a lot of people think. thanks for sharing
Thanks Gregg, I’m glad you hopped over to read.
Yes, the Biblical view of faith is definitely “belief in action,” but that belief is always grown in the soil of evidence, where evidence is perception, testimony, memory, and reason.
This was fun to read, as anything that is thought-provoking and helps me love God more and think through things I might not normally consciously process. Hebrews 11 calls faith the substance of things hoped for which is still a little ambiguous although very true. I think the greek word “pistevo” goes along with the action component you referred to because it is a verb and is the word often translated as “faith” in Scriptures and it means to put trust in and commit but comes from “pistis” which comes out to words like pursuasion, credence, assurance. Definitely sounds to me also like faith has a basis, albeit also incorporating trust and belief. It’s hard to really grasp it with the simple word by word translation English offers, I think. In Hebrews 11, the word for substance is hupostasis which comes out in the vicinity of “something with a real existence, the reality of something, or the image of something we ask for.” Those words indicate to me that is substance and evidence, not mere hope or assent, but certainly is enduring.
I’ve listened to some Tim Keller sermons on Hebrews 11 and he gave 3 elements of faith that have really helped me, and seem to capture a lot of what he are talking about. He says, faith begins with understanding (1), which leads to conviction (2), and completes itself in commitment (3).
Fowler’s “Stages of Faith” investigates the psycho-spiritual development of faith as it moves from a black-and-white answer into a moving, living, growing thing. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that before, but when I was introduced to it, my eyes lit up and I devoured it with great interest. Really fascinating stuff.
Having come out of Christian fundamentalism, I know that I greet supposed “unquestioned faith” with skepticism, even pity. “Unquestioned faith” is something I once had, mind you, confusing faith for an untested and idealism-filled outlook on life. I suppose I react with pity when I see how much a person is relying on this untested romantic notion of faith, because I know how badly it’s might hurt when it smashes. Many people never recover from that fall.
I think that true faith is raw, scarred, and often badly beaten…but it keeps on getting back up and taking one more step forward.
If the contest is one of appearances, I suppose the “unquestioned faith” will win the outward beauty contest. It always has the right answer, always deflects undesirable questions, always “looks good.”
But if the contest is for staying power, grace beyond measure, and love where it counts the most? Then scar-covered body of the bloody faith, hobbling forward, one inch at a time, not afraid of questions, not afraid of answers, not afraid to think, not afraid to love, not afraid to be afraid…that is the faith that is worth having.
Molly, I loved the imagery you give at the end. That definitely resonates with me. I’ll have to check out Fowler’s what article or book?
http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/fowler.htm
An article on the 6 stages.
A chart summing the theory up:
http://www.usefulcharts.com/psychology/james-fowler-stages-of-faith.html
The imagery came from a dream I had about faith once, in my very early stages of young adult faith. It resonated deeply with me…I knew it meant something, but didn’t exactly know what, lol…and in my early 30′s, began to feel like I was beginning to understand. I think in many ways I am still just beginning to understand.
Hmm, maybe I will write about the dream in a future post…