Comments on: The Theology of Spiritual Abuse in Christianity Today http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html Author | Speaker Fri, 24 Sep 2010 18:47:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Mandy http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1047 Mandy Fri, 24 Sep 2010 18:47:27 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1047 I enjoyed reading the blog. I think it's helpful. My parents came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as adults, and they definitely got stuck in the mire of what you are describing as "spiritual abuse" really quickly. I had sort of "crisis of everything" when I went to college as a freshman years ago, as I saw the same philosophy in a lot of what was promoted where I went to college which went along with the way my parents were/are and knew it didn't really work and wasn't what I saw when I studied for myself. I knew in my heart of hearts what they were trying to tell me was wrong. I as well noticed growing up the war against psychology in the church. My parents took us and left one church in particular because the pastor was using "too much psychology." I saw this kind of hybrid evolve - Biblical counseling (at least the variety I was introduced to) - which seemed to be some kind of compromise using communication techniques but no actual psychology. Someone I know saw a counselor because he knew he had some issues and couldn't find his way out and needed help, and they told him to read his Bible and certain passages would help fix this. They told him the problem he had was the sin in his life. They sent him home. Turns out he had a very diagnosable case of bipolar disorder. A good friend of mine is styding to be a clinical psychologist, and from what he describes about his classes, training, etc. it seems that a lot of what happens in counseling is helping the patient hear their own voice, and then recognize the problems and sort through them using his knowledge of human behavior and training. I think some psychologists do more harm than good, which is why it's so important to recognize when certain ideas contradict Scripture but some are so profoundly helpful. I love the quote at the end of the article. I enjoyed reading the blog. I think it’s helpful. My parents came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as adults, and they definitely got stuck in the mire of what you are describing as “spiritual abuse” really quickly. I had sort of “crisis of everything” when I went to college as a freshman years ago, as I saw the same philosophy in a lot of what was promoted where I went to college which went along with the way my parents were/are and knew it didn’t really work and wasn’t what I saw when I studied for myself. I knew in my heart of hearts what they were trying to tell me was wrong.
I as well noticed growing up the war against psychology in the church. My parents took us and left one church in particular because the pastor was using “too much psychology.” I saw this kind of hybrid evolve – Biblical counseling (at least the variety I was introduced to) – which seemed to be some kind of compromise using communication techniques but no actual psychology. Someone I know saw a counselor because he knew he had some issues and couldn’t find his way out and needed help, and they told him to read his Bible and certain passages would help fix this. They told him the problem he had was the sin in his life. They sent him home. Turns out he had a very diagnosable case of bipolar disorder. A good friend of mine is styding to be a clinical psychologist, and from what he describes about his classes, training, etc. it seems that a lot of what happens in counseling is helping the patient hear their own voice, and then recognize the problems and sort through them using his knowledge of human behavior and training. I think some psychologists do more harm than good, which is why it’s so important to recognize when certain ideas contradict Scripture but some are so profoundly helpful.
I love the quote at the end of the article.

]]> By: anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1046 anonymous Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:43:50 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1046 Thanks, Dale...for your encouragement and not viewing my questions as ridiculous! :o) I did read your blogspot discovering that's where everyone is commenting after all! I appreciated your time. I hope that he is well and getting help also. Thanks, Dale…for your encouragement and not viewing my questions as ridiculous! :o )

I did read your blogspot discovering that’s where everyone is commenting after all!

I appreciated your time. I hope that he is well and getting help also.

]]> By: Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1043 Dale Fincher Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:42:18 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1043 This topic got tons of discussion at http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/ I think anytime someone is treating you badly it is cause for concern. It doesn't matter if they have a good excuse to treat you badly or if they have a bad past. You are responsible for you and the gifts and life God has entrusted to you. You should never "handle" being abused. Abuse is bad and we must protect ourselves if at all possible (especially in a romantic relationship). If the abuser wants to be heal and to love well, it would serve him to seek counseling and work through his own issues. He doesn't need a romance complicating things. Your staying with him will not make him well. In fact, if he loved you, then he would know that your staying with him will not make him well....and he should want the best for you. You did not abandon him or make his past abuses deeper. You did the responsible thing by getting out. He does not *need* you to be well (which is often why many people allow themselves to be abused). I'm glad you got out! And I hope this guy is getting well so he can learn to love well. This topic got tons of discussion at http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/

I think anytime someone is treating you badly it is cause for concern. It doesn’t matter if they have a good excuse to treat you badly or if they have a bad past. You are responsible for you and the gifts and life God has entrusted to you. You should never “handle” being abused. Abuse is bad and we must protect ourselves if at all possible (especially in a romantic relationship).

If the abuser wants to be heal and to love well, it would serve him to seek counseling and work through his own issues. He doesn’t need a romance complicating things. Your staying with him will not make him well. In fact, if he loved you, then he would know that your staying with him will not make him well….and he should want the best for you.

You did not abandon him or make his past abuses deeper. You did the responsible thing by getting out. He does not *need* you to be well (which is often why many people allow themselves to be abused).

I’m glad you got out! And I hope this guy is getting well so he can learn to love well.

]]> By: anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1041 anonymous Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:28:30 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1041 Dear Dale, I was dating this guy who came from an extremely abusive background. He was unable to successfully sustain a relationship. I feel guilty for not being able to handle being abused while on his journey of healing. What is the fine line between in one's involvement with such an individual - do you stay with them even though they have a reason for treating you badly...or, is it healthier to leave them? I battle with feelings that I added to the abandonment of his past abusers by leaving, yet, I was unable to withstand the horrors that he put me through (though, I understand fully from where it all stemmed). Any thoughts? Dear Dale,

I was dating this guy who came from an extremely abusive background. He was unable to successfully sustain a relationship. I feel guilty for not being able to handle being abused while on his journey of healing. What is the fine line between in one’s involvement with such an individual – do you stay with them even though they have a reason for treating you badly…or, is it healthier to leave them? I battle with feelings that I added to the abandonment of his past abusers by leaving, yet, I was unable to withstand the horrors that he put me through (though, I understand fully from where it all stemmed). Any thoughts?

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