Comments for Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog Author | Speaker Fri, 24 Sep 2010 18:47:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on The Theology of Spiritual Abuse in Christianity Today by Mandy http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1047 Mandy Fri, 24 Sep 2010 18:47:27 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1047 I enjoyed reading the blog. I think it's helpful. My parents came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as adults, and they definitely got stuck in the mire of what you are describing as "spiritual abuse" really quickly. I had sort of "crisis of everything" when I went to college as a freshman years ago, as I saw the same philosophy in a lot of what was promoted where I went to college which went along with the way my parents were/are and knew it didn't really work and wasn't what I saw when I studied for myself. I knew in my heart of hearts what they were trying to tell me was wrong. I as well noticed growing up the war against psychology in the church. My parents took us and left one church in particular because the pastor was using "too much psychology." I saw this kind of hybrid evolve - Biblical counseling (at least the variety I was introduced to) - which seemed to be some kind of compromise using communication techniques but no actual psychology. Someone I know saw a counselor because he knew he had some issues and couldn't find his way out and needed help, and they told him to read his Bible and certain passages would help fix this. They told him the problem he had was the sin in his life. They sent him home. Turns out he had a very diagnosable case of bipolar disorder. A good friend of mine is styding to be a clinical psychologist, and from what he describes about his classes, training, etc. it seems that a lot of what happens in counseling is helping the patient hear their own voice, and then recognize the problems and sort through them using his knowledge of human behavior and training. I think some psychologists do more harm than good, which is why it's so important to recognize when certain ideas contradict Scripture but some are so profoundly helpful. I love the quote at the end of the article. I enjoyed reading the blog. I think it’s helpful. My parents came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as adults, and they definitely got stuck in the mire of what you are describing as “spiritual abuse” really quickly. I had sort of “crisis of everything” when I went to college as a freshman years ago, as I saw the same philosophy in a lot of what was promoted where I went to college which went along with the way my parents were/are and knew it didn’t really work and wasn’t what I saw when I studied for myself. I knew in my heart of hearts what they were trying to tell me was wrong.
I as well noticed growing up the war against psychology in the church. My parents took us and left one church in particular because the pastor was using “too much psychology.” I saw this kind of hybrid evolve – Biblical counseling (at least the variety I was introduced to) – which seemed to be some kind of compromise using communication techniques but no actual psychology. Someone I know saw a counselor because he knew he had some issues and couldn’t find his way out and needed help, and they told him to read his Bible and certain passages would help fix this. They told him the problem he had was the sin in his life. They sent him home. Turns out he had a very diagnosable case of bipolar disorder. A good friend of mine is styding to be a clinical psychologist, and from what he describes about his classes, training, etc. it seems that a lot of what happens in counseling is helping the patient hear their own voice, and then recognize the problems and sort through them using his knowledge of human behavior and training. I think some psychologists do more harm than good, which is why it’s so important to recognize when certain ideas contradict Scripture but some are so profoundly helpful.
I love the quote at the end of the article.

]]> Comment on The Theology of Spiritual Abuse in Christianity Today by anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1046 anonymous Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:43:50 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1046 Thanks, Dale...for your encouragement and not viewing my questions as ridiculous! :o) I did read your blogspot discovering that's where everyone is commenting after all! I appreciated your time. I hope that he is well and getting help also. Thanks, Dale…for your encouragement and not viewing my questions as ridiculous! :o )

I did read your blogspot discovering that’s where everyone is commenting after all!

I appreciated your time. I hope that he is well and getting help also.

]]> Comment on My annoyance with the telephone (and vote for better letters!) by Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/02/my-annoyance-with-the-telephone-and-vote-for-better-letters.html/comment-page-1#comment-1044 Dale Fincher Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:54:04 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/02/my-annoyance-with-the-telephone-and-vote-for-better-letters.html#comment-1044 Where is your mother from? Most of the Finchers I've met are from Geogia and Texas. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this disdain for the telephone. :) I think it's a good medium, but the medium has limitations. What annoys me most about it, apart from the lack of eye-contact and body language, is how interruptive it is. You're in the middle of steady, creative work and someone comes along and rings your phone, like pounding on your front door. Only, the ringing is INSIDE the house or INSIDE your pocket. The person on the phone has already invaded the personal space. But they can't see that you're working, that your hands are full, that you're taking the only moment of silence you have in the day... If they did, they wouldn't call. We screen all our calls. But that annoys some people. They will say it discourages them from calling or it gives the impression that we are unavailable. Well, yes, we are unavailable. If you want to talk, make an appointment. That's how most conversations and meetings and out-of-town visits happen! Why should the telephone call be an exception? Where is your mother from? Most of the Finchers I’ve met are from Geogia and Texas.

I’m glad I’m not the only one with this disdain for the telephone. :) I think it’s a good medium, but the medium has limitations. What annoys me most about it, apart from the lack of eye-contact and body language, is how interruptive it is. You’re in the middle of steady, creative work and someone comes along and rings your phone, like pounding on your front door. Only, the ringing is INSIDE the house or INSIDE your pocket. The person on the phone has already invaded the personal space.

But they can’t see that you’re working, that your hands are full, that you’re taking the only moment of silence you have in the day… If they did, they wouldn’t call.

We screen all our calls. But that annoys some people. They will say it discourages them from calling or it gives the impression that we are unavailable. Well, yes, we are unavailable. If you want to talk, make an appointment. That’s how most conversations and meetings and out-of-town visits happen! Why should the telephone call be an exception?

]]> Comment on The Theology of Spiritual Abuse in Christianity Today by Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1043 Dale Fincher Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:42:18 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1043 This topic got tons of discussion at http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/ I think anytime someone is treating you badly it is cause for concern. It doesn't matter if they have a good excuse to treat you badly or if they have a bad past. You are responsible for you and the gifts and life God has entrusted to you. You should never "handle" being abused. Abuse is bad and we must protect ourselves if at all possible (especially in a romantic relationship). If the abuser wants to be heal and to love well, it would serve him to seek counseling and work through his own issues. He doesn't need a romance complicating things. Your staying with him will not make him well. In fact, if he loved you, then he would know that your staying with him will not make him well....and he should want the best for you. You did not abandon him or make his past abuses deeper. You did the responsible thing by getting out. He does not *need* you to be well (which is often why many people allow themselves to be abused). I'm glad you got out! And I hope this guy is getting well so he can learn to love well. This topic got tons of discussion at http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/

I think anytime someone is treating you badly it is cause for concern. It doesn’t matter if they have a good excuse to treat you badly or if they have a bad past. You are responsible for you and the gifts and life God has entrusted to you. You should never “handle” being abused. Abuse is bad and we must protect ourselves if at all possible (especially in a romantic relationship).

If the abuser wants to be heal and to love well, it would serve him to seek counseling and work through his own issues. He doesn’t need a romance complicating things. Your staying with him will not make him well. In fact, if he loved you, then he would know that your staying with him will not make him well….and he should want the best for you.

You did not abandon him or make his past abuses deeper. You did the responsible thing by getting out. He does not *need* you to be well (which is often why many people allow themselves to be abused).

I’m glad you got out! And I hope this guy is getting well so he can learn to love well.

]]> Comment on How Honest Are You? A reflection-review on Scott Peck’s _People of the Lie_ by Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog/2009/06/how-honest-are-you-a-reflection-review-on-scott-pecks-_people-of-the-lie_.html/comment-page-1#comment-1042 Dale Fincher Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:38:19 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2009/06/how-honest-are-you-a-reflection-review-on-scott-pecks-_people-of-the-lie_.html#comment-1042 Oh, yes, lots of comments where this blog was originally hosted: http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/ Cruise around there to see what people have said. A top 10 book list... hmm. I'd have to think about that. Oh, yes, lots of comments where this blog was originally hosted: http://dalefincher.blogspot.com/ Cruise around there to see what people have said.

A top 10 book list… hmm. I’d have to think about that.

]]> Comment on The Theology of Spiritual Abuse in Christianity Today by anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html/comment-page-1#comment-1041 anonymous Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:28:30 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/03/the-theology-of-spiritual-abuse-in-christianity-today.html#comment-1041 Dear Dale, I was dating this guy who came from an extremely abusive background. He was unable to successfully sustain a relationship. I feel guilty for not being able to handle being abused while on his journey of healing. What is the fine line between in one's involvement with such an individual - do you stay with them even though they have a reason for treating you badly...or, is it healthier to leave them? I battle with feelings that I added to the abandonment of his past abusers by leaving, yet, I was unable to withstand the horrors that he put me through (though, I understand fully from where it all stemmed). Any thoughts? Dear Dale,

I was dating this guy who came from an extremely abusive background. He was unable to successfully sustain a relationship. I feel guilty for not being able to handle being abused while on his journey of healing. What is the fine line between in one’s involvement with such an individual – do you stay with them even though they have a reason for treating you badly…or, is it healthier to leave them? I battle with feelings that I added to the abandonment of his past abusers by leaving, yet, I was unable to withstand the horrors that he put me through (though, I understand fully from where it all stemmed). Any thoughts?

]]> Comment on How Honest Are You? A reflection-review on Scott Peck’s _People of the Lie_ by anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2009/06/how-honest-are-you-a-reflection-review-on-scott-pecks-_people-of-the-lie_.html/comment-page-1#comment-1040 anonymous Thu, 05 Aug 2010 13:47:40 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2009/06/how-honest-are-you-a-reflection-review-on-scott-pecks-_people-of-the-lie_.html#comment-1040 Dale, how come people don't comment on your blogs?? :o) Anyhow, what is your top 10 book list? ~ I'd be extremely interested to know... Dale, how come people don’t comment on your blogs?? :o ) Anyhow, what is your top 10 book list? ~ I’d be extremely interested to know…

]]> Comment on My annoyance with the telephone (and vote for better letters!) by Staci http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/02/my-annoyance-with-the-telephone-and-vote-for-better-letters.html/comment-page-1#comment-1039 Staci Thu, 08 Jul 2010 04:48:59 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2010/02/my-annoyance-with-the-telephone-and-vote-for-better-letters.html#comment-1039 I feel exactly the same way. I find the telephone to be a rude interruption usually. It's good for communicating in an emergency or for catching my husband while he's out running errands--"Pick up milk, please, while you're out." But, I don't find the telephone useful at all in building relationships. Like you've said here, I prefer the slowed-down nature of writing, which affords me the time to carefully put my thoughts into words, albeit on "digital paper" in this generation. I like being able to read others' e-mails more than once before I respond or to walk away for a time, if I need perspective before I respond. I also like being able to save favorite conversations as momentos--the way people used to cherish letters. I've felt that way for a long time. You just put it into words for me. Thanks. BTW, I wonder if we're related distantly. My mother's maiden name is Fincher. :) Thanks for the intriguing post. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who disdains Bell's little invention. I feel exactly the same way. I find the telephone to be a rude interruption usually. It’s good for communicating in an emergency or for catching my husband while he’s out running errands–”Pick up milk, please, while you’re out.” But, I don’t find the telephone useful at all in building relationships. Like you’ve said here, I prefer the slowed-down nature of writing, which affords me the time to carefully put my thoughts into words, albeit on “digital paper” in this generation. I like being able to read others’ e-mails more than once before I respond or to walk away for a time, if I need perspective before I respond. I also like being able to save favorite conversations as momentos–the way people used to cherish letters. I’ve felt that way for a long time. You just put it into words for me. Thanks. BTW, I wonder if we’re related distantly. My mother’s maiden name is Fincher. :) Thanks for the intriguing post. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who disdains Bell’s little invention.

]]> Comment on St Joseph will sell your house!!…. ??? by Dale Fincher http://soulation.org/daleblog/2007/10/st-joseph-will-sell-your-house.html/comment-page-1#comment-1003 Dale Fincher Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:21:26 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2007/10/st-joseph-will-sell-your-house.html#comment-1003 Anonymous... please inform me how I have misspoken about Buddhism, especially in light of the article's interfaith assumptions.<br /><br />Rereading my post and comments, I don't see how I've judged Buddhists... misrepresented, maybe, if you can show me how, but judged?<br /><br />Also, the reference to "judge not" in Matt 7 isn't referring to making claims about points of view. It's about moral judgments. This verse is commonly misquoted in our culture as a misunderstanding of Christianity's teachings... ;) Anonymous… please inform me how I have misspoken about Buddhism, especially in light of the article's interfaith assumptions.

Rereading my post and comments, I don't see how I've judged Buddhists… misrepresented, maybe, if you can show me how, but judged?

Also, the reference to "judge not" in Matt 7 isn't referring to making claims about points of view. It's about moral judgments. This verse is commonly misquoted in our culture as a misunderstanding of Christianity's teachings… ;)

]]> Comment on St Joseph will sell your house!!…. ??? by Anonymous http://soulation.org/daleblog/2007/10/st-joseph-will-sell-your-house.html/comment-page-1#comment-1002 Anonymous Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:20:10 +0000 http://soulation.org/daleblog/2007/10/st-joseph-will-sell-your-house.html#comment-1002 I am a Buddhist... please understand us before you judge us. Boutique Buddhism? Did you research all 300 sects? Tibetian is different from Chinese and both are quite different from the sects practiced in Japan.<br /><br />It's like saying the general knowledge of Santa is... there is now general knowledge because there are different traditions around the world.<br /><br />I believe it says in the Bible "Judge not lest ye be judged" I am a Buddhist… please understand us before you judge us. Boutique Buddhism? Did you research all 300 sects? Tibetian is different from Chinese and both are quite different from the sects practiced in Japan.

It's like saying the general knowledge of Santa is… there is now general knowledge because there are different traditions around the world.

I believe it says in the Bible "Judge not lest ye be judged"

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