A good friend of mine decided to pursue yoga, not merely for the stretching, but because the meditation allowed her to "clear her mind." A colleague who used to volunteer in the nursery with me has recently stopped going to church and taken up an interest in Taoism.  She's decided to move in with her boyfriend and talks about achieving balance with him.  A friend from college has decided that in order to build up his positive energy, he must feng shui his house. My pharmacist left the church he used to attend and has let me borrow a CD on channeling, and often offers me tips on how to build up good energy.

As people who are not into religion but into spirituality begin to grow in numbers, I've noticed that they are as interested in proselytizing as Christians used to be.  For all their anti-religion, they are often quite dogmatic about what is the "proper" way to be spiritual and several have tried to convert me. So, how do I talk to people who've believed that spirituality is something you design? How do I tell them that God cares about a relationship with each of them much more than he cares about how much or little they meditate, achieve balance and good energy?  Here are a few tips to ponder and consider as you reach out to love.

1: Respect each other as valuable humans

Regardless of what someone else believes, no matter how farcical it sounds, we must treat them with respect. Each Wiccan, Taoist, Buddhist is valuable because each is human; it's only their ideas that are different.  Even if they are trying to wiggle out of anything Christian, treat them with the highest value that Jesus offers: every person bears the image of God.  Treating them this way opens doors. The Judeo/Christian view is stunningly unique about the dignity of humans.

Respect and gentleness are the fertile soil of relationship and love.  We may need to invest into someone else's life over the long haul.  Pray for patience and love as you shine the light.  Humility will assist us to know we haven't yet arrived ourselves. We're still examining ideas, learning love, working on virtue.  And because Jesus is the way into being fully human, we invite others to join us in the journey.

Recently a YouTube video on Oprah has been circulating in emails around the country. I've received it from at least five different people.  It carries a chilling tone and melodramatic voice about the ills of Oprah's spirituality.  One idea kept resurging in my mind: this reactionary video that demeans Oprah will have a negative effect to the gospel.  It not only insulted her but many of her unsuspecting viewers.  Why?  Because it wasn't seasoned with the salt of love.  We can talk about Oprah's ideas, but we must be careful when we attack people as deliberate deceivers.  Oprah has helped many people, but in this area of religion, she hasn’t thought enough about it yet.  We can criticize her views without having an attitude that God has given up on her.

2: Step Into Their Shoes

Ask your friends questions to try to understand what attracts them to their designer spirituality.  You can say, "How does meditation help you in your life?" or "What has the Law of Attraction done for you recently?" Then be an excellent listener.  Try to figure out what is helping them.  This is vitally important for all relationships, including those with whom you disagree.  Listen with love, respecting them as people made in God's image, and remain unshockable even if you disagree with what they say.

They might say, "I feel so much better when I'm done, like my body is cleansed, like my mind is lighter." Listen, nod, smile, let them know you understand what they mean. Take this chance to really understand another worldview. It's a great gift they're giving to you. Be careful not to jump on them with something like, "Well, meditation is wrong so you can't really be feeling better, it's probably demons influencing you through all that new age mumbo jumbo." That will definitely not foster trust.  You want to get into their shoes for the sake of understanding them, not for the sake of tricking them into being vulnerable so you can accuse them or contradict them.  When they give their answers, take mental notes.

Wrestle with their ideas on your own.  Learn to decipher what is true about what they share and what isn't. Even opposing worldviews can find truth to agree upon. Think about the possible contradictions or ramifications of their ideas. Analyze their motivation and see if their spiritual practices actually deliver what they are looking for.  In other words, you're watching their back from the danger of bad ideas (just as you’d want them to return the favor).  How healthy or unhealthy are their views?  This will be good material to use later when the conversation naturally comes up again.  You can say, "You know, I was thinking about what you said the other day, and I was puzzled about how you reconcile these ideas.  Can you help me see it more clearly?"  Let them explain it more and here you can interject and voice what doesn't make sense.  Sometimes that will make them think about their own view more.

In general these are just the rules of loving dialogue.  Sadly, it's an art much lost in our culture.  We've come to find it unkind to engage all in the name of tolerance or not wanting to interfere or to let people believe what they want.  But we must be concerned that a healthy community reaching for truth, beauty, and goodness not digress into passivity.

Yet one of the great harms we do to the Gospel is thinking it is merely about correcting people's thoughts and practices or throwing some Bible verses at them about repentance and eternal life in Jesus rather than realize we are loving people which in turn opens up a wider opportunity for truth and health and appropriate humanness.

3: Talk about God’s Personality

Ask them if they pray to God.  Most people do, even if they pray to a life force, or energy or even the Goddess. The point is that they pray, which usually means some form of interaction with God, and often involves requests like, "Help me out of this situation," or "If you come through for me here, I'll give this much money to a good cause."  Any form of bargaining with God is a type of prayer.  Figure out if your friend prays.

If they do then you have reason to believe that they believe God is personal, but just to clarify ask them, "Is your life-force/God/Goddess/energy force (choose the appropriate one they believe in) personal?" This may take some time to explain or give examples like, "Have you experienced God interacting with you? Does God have feelings? Do you think God chooses?" or you can refer to their prayer experiences, "Does God answer prayers?" If so then he can choose and listen.  He is personal.

Your friend may not like where this is headed (a personal God means God can be pleased, but also means God can be displeased).  But make sure you point out that if God is not personal, then God must be impersonal (which is actually the orthodox view of Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, and some forms of New Age/Spiritualistic religions).  It's so valuable to talk about the options, either God is personal or God is not personal.  But the very fact that most people pray to someone indicates that they believe God is personal, at some level.

But let's imagine your friend is like my pharmacist who sticks to the belief that all of us, including God, are just energy.  Here’s a tip, whenever you hear someone announce something about their spirituality ask them to define their terms.  I asked my pharmacist, "What is energy?"  He muttered off Einstein's formula which told me he wasn't entirely sure himself. I asked him to explain if this energy that was God was personal. He asked what I meant. I explained that "personal" meaning having a personality, ideas, desires, emotions, etc.  From his response, I don't believe my pharmacist had ever been asked.   That's significant, because I wanted to give him time to think about it. I didn't press him; I just changed the subject and left.  Next time I saw him, he brought it up.  It's worth leaving others with a question to ponder. It helps them work on their own belief structure and leaves room for the Holy Spirit to work in them.

I've spoken with this pharmacist about six times now and he's just come to believe that yes, God is personal.  I haven't spoken about Jesus, nor about the Bible (those are both explosive, freighted words for him).  But I plan to down the road. 

Moving the conversation into the territory of a personal God not only speaks to their intuitions but is closer to what Jesus believed.  Consider asking them, "If God is a person, do you think he wants to be known?  Do you think he wants you to know truth about him?" 

This is especially true of marriage.  I want my spouse, not my idea of my spouse.  And this is true of God as well.  I want God, not my idea of God.  And if God is a person and is as loving as we believe he is (and as loving as Designer Spirituality says he is), then he will reveal himself in ways that use the human faculties he gave us: minds, emotions, will, relationships, and gifts.  He won't demoralize us as humans (the way channeling does), he won’t require irrationality (like all "spiritual paths" lead to the same destination), and he won't deny our emotional faculties (like "freeing yourself of desire," even good, temporary ones).  The obstacle for the Designer Spiritualist is that there are few religions in the world that say God is personal and humans are dignified.  Only one that says God is a person loving without deficiency before the beginning (and that's where the Trinity comes in).

[If you have any questions/comments, simply reply to this email. And don't forget "Ask! LIVE" on Wednesday evenings for questions or puzzling situation.]

© 2008 Dale & Jonalyn Fincher