New Body, New Blog Location
I did something a bit unusual tonight; I stepped on our scale.
The scale was dusty and difficult to lug out without spilling the dog’s bowl of water. After wiping it down with Simple Green, I stepped on top. It read 162 lbs. I almost gasped, that’s almost 50 lbs more than I weighed this summer.
Then, I recalled something, someone else gained 50 lbs in her first pregnancy.
My very tall, very dignified, very lovely grandmother gained 50 lbs with her first child. She was only 17 years old, and when the baby was born she wanted to name her firstborn after her husband, John. Since the baby was a girl, she made up the name Jonalyn. I’m named after them both.
This all delights me, even more so as my grandmother (still) brags about her measurements in her younger years.
“I was 38, 24, 36,” she’ll say. And yet she gained 50 lbs in her pregnancy. She still cuts a lovely figure. In a few more weeks, I’d say, I’ll be able to boast the same amount of poundage gained.
I told Dale the new updated weight number this evening and he kind of looked at my body suspiciously like, “Where exactly is it?”
He told me last week that he woke up in the wee hours of the morning, rolled over and saw my body’s profile from the back. He thought for about 10 seconds, “Holy cow! I just dreamed that Jonalyn was pregnant, what a realistic dream!”
But this large butterball in front keeps reminding me that Birdie is coming soon and very soon. Tomorrow I enter the 36th week and I’m frankly dazzled by how well my body is doing. If it needs some extra pounds to do so well, then I’m not going to worry or scrimp on all the fruit and yogurt and milk and avocados I’m eating!
Carrying extra weight in such a concentrated area means it is getting much harder to move, today’s snowshoe hike was more discipline than sheer pleasure. Notice my unusual back-bending pose here on our snowshoe this morning. It was to balance my weight A
ND keep out of the sun. Dale was blocking it’s rays for me. Also please notice Dale’s hat, which I newly knitted for him last Sabbath. I started another one this evening, in miniature for Birdie.
I hardly ever forget I’m pregnant anymore, except sometimes when I’m sleeping on my side and my belly is fully supported by the mattress and I wake up in the middle of the night. The thought lasts less than a second.
For the last few days, Zondervan (our publisher) sent out their audio produce, Brad Hill, a fun-loving hard worker who has become our friend, to record the audio version of our new book. As of last night at 5pm Coffee Shop Conversations: Making the Most of Spiritual Small Talk is completely recorded. It should be available in audio version about the same time the book comes out (May 2010).
To celebrate finishing, Brad took us to our favorite restaurant. I got all dressed up (as much as my pregnant clothes allowed) and even whipped out a favorite silver bracelet. It got stuck halfway around my hand. “AAAAAH!” I yelled to Dale. “My hands are bigger!” It was easier to jam it on than take it off, but I had a heck of a time getting it off.
This new body of mine is still working well, I can still enjoy food without heartburn and walk on long snowshoe hikes and even do my prenatal yoga. So, no I am not complaining, nor do I want the baby out of his little cocoon. I’m still enjoying this process and amazed at how fast he’s growing. But there are some non-ideal things about being pregnant, too. A few things that I miss about pre-pregnant life
- laying on my tummy
- wearing silver bracelets without bruising my hands
- running
- jumping up and down at a moment’s notice without having to strategize
- tying my shoes in a snap
- clear nasal passages
- sleeping through the night without 2 am treks down our ladder to the little princess room
- hugging Dale close
But I do not miss the wondering if I will every be a mother. These last 8 months have been like waiting and wondering about when and what it will be like to have our son coming to live at our house.
In other news, this blog, that I’ve come to love and enjoy so much is going to be MOVING. I’m integrating everything here into our Soulation site. In a few weeks, I’ll be deleting this blog. You can view my blog in it’s new format right now, but I won’t formally move until February 1st, only four days away. Please do NOT comment on this new blog site until Feb 1st. Before my move I will transfer ALL comments from this blog (www.jonalynfincher.com) , so feel free to comment here until then.
If you’d like to subscribe to this new location you will have to re-subscribe (see the top right column of my new blog and choose either posts or comments or both).
Benefits of moving:
- You will be able to search all my blog’s content by keywords- Go to my new blog site and try to search by a word, such as “pregnancy”, and see what I mean!
- In one month I’ll have a new comment engine that will allow you see all the recent comments on the front page and therefore more easily join the discussion
- A new fresh look that ties into all our Soulation resources.
- In a month, quick access to Dale’s blog and a new blog we’ll be running together called “Hurdles of Faith” where you can share and read about how other people struggle in their love for Jesus.
I look forward to seeing you at my new blog site. Until then, all 162 lbs of me is delighted to wish you a very good night!
January 28th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
I don't always get to read your blogs, but I got to read this one! I remember being in my office with a colleague. She dropped a pencil and when she bent to pick it up, I thought, "Oh, she makes that look so easy!" So glad you're mostly loving it! And better is coming!
January 29th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I've never been pregnant, but does the math here indicate that you're having a 50 pound baby? :0)
January 29th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Drafted. Rough
I'm estimating the baby is 40 lbs, you know gotta leave some weight for the placenta and water.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Wow, I didn't think it was possible to be jealous of a pregnant woman's body, but since the only time in my whole life when I didn't have a tire around my middle was when I was anorexic… (mind you, not when I was exercising and eating healthy but only when I went off the deep end) you *really* sound rockin' to me! Some women just carry well! And some of us non-preggos don't. It sounds like birdie has a good home in there.
I'll look forward to book and baby countdowns.
Deb
February 1st, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Deb,
Thank you. I hope Birdie feels like he has enough room.
At the moment I feel like it’s safe to say I’m exiting the “oh you’re so cute” pregnant stage and entering the “You’re about due, aren’t you?!” stage.
Everyone seems as eager as I am to know when the baby will arrive
In what ways do you think other women could help you enjoy and value the body you’ve been given?
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:20 am
Jonalyn, you look absolutely beautiful. Don’t worry a single bit about the weight. I gained 50 lbs. with both my babies and I was extremely active. The weight for both babies was shed in a matter of 3 months postpartum. Both times the doctors tried to give me a hard time about gaining that much but I just ignored them. I was healthy and so were my kids. Keep up the good work!
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Jonalyn,
I’d like to echo Debbie. It seems like the women I’ve known who have very low BMIs to start with often need to put on more weight than is suggested but then take it off readily. I’m all about science and am daughter to a scientist. However, I do think sometimes women know themselves and each other better than doctors who know their textbooks. Not everyone fits the statistical norms.
As for your question, that is a good one! I guess I’ve tended to think in terms of what *I* can do, what the media culture at large could do…
First off, I think I am doing pretty well w/ body image. My comment was more a compliment than a complaint, though it is clear I will never cut a figure with my undefined waist, etc., etc. I’m certainly healed of my venture into anorexia even if psychologists claim one cannot be. And it is helpful that men routinely find me attractive (although at 33, I could use fewer teens and approaching-50 men!! who have been my ongoing lot), not that it should be dependent on them.
For me, my body has betrayed me for years, as I am medically disabled with illness. This may be a more difficult hurdle psychologically than body image at large or my idea of what my healthy body was like. And a couple of years ago I had very sudden unexplained weight gain as part of it–weight that has only partially come off. So I am not at my “right” weight and cannot wear most of my clothes, and it is a frustration I have not been able to solve within the bounds of what my body dictates in illness.
I suppose as women one thing we can do is to step away from the body emphasis of our culture and dig deeper into the other parts of ourselves.
And perhaps it would be good to compliment honestly and often on features that aren’t constantly in flux (as weight is for so many, and so then may feel like the constantly moving measure of one’s value). I know that some of my friends have commented (and I used to be like them) that they seem unable to give compliments to others because of how vulnerable it makes them feel. If we were criticized often when young and not affirmed by parents it can feel like a risk to “give out” in this way, as though we need to be concerned about the return. I think providing encouragements may sometimes be a greater struggle when it is an area of particular insecurity and/or when you’ve been criticized so much that you are critical of anyone who is not a genius, supermodel, or whatever else it is that is the pinnacle for the given area.
On a side note, I know I am called to ministry, and I get more than a little perplexed at the dress and body and even tanning emphasis that seems so prevalent among pastors’ wives and female ministers. Part is congregations demanding it of them, using society’s more stringent measures of public women to determine if they will accept them, and part is, well, culture willingly and enthusiastically adopted by the women themselves as a key part of their representation of Christ…. I want to be a better steward of my money (when/if I have some) than some of these emphases require and don’t want to be dressed to the nine every day of my life. I can go there, but I’m a nature chick. Now that I think of it, I remember you covering this in a discussion of Aimee Semple McPherson.
I want to celebrate women’s bodies and their unique capabilities, recognizing that some of the primary life experiences of many women are very bodily, but obviously much of the attention has been unhealthy. Sometimes even appropriate attention to it can have triggers to all of the bad….
Just off the top of my head,
Deb
December 22nd, 2010 at 7:39 pm
There is no “right” weight. You are at the right weight for you at this moment. You may be on the way to losing some of it. Others may be on the way to gaining some. But I believe that women need to accept themselves *today* as they are. Today, you are the way you are. And God loves you, values you, and treasures you TODAY.
February 5th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Deb,
Hooray for the freedom to not have to squeeze into statistical norms. BTW have you read The Mismeasure of Women? It fits a bit with this discussion– about the tendency to measure women against men rather than against other women.
I went to a prenatal yoga class to try it out yesterday and felt very healthy and fit when I was sitting among my pregnant peers. We all have unique and beautiful ways of carrying our babies, all interesting!
I’ve heard other women explain to me their experience in similar words as “my body betrayed me” What an honest way to share the feelings of let down and judgment as we watch our body (always feels premature) fail us. What helps you grieve? What can others do to allow you to grieve?
I really appreciate your comment on how women can compliment each other on OTHER things than the unstable “You’ve lost so much weight!” compliment. I think Mary Poppins would call it a piecrust compliment, easily made, easily broken/lost.
I am also disheartened by the (regionally specific) emphasis on a certain “look” among ministry workers. I often wonder what my role as a Christian speaker is in helping break down the high expectations and cookie-cutter Beth Moore (forgive me) well-coiffed look. Do I need to be so accessorized and “put together”? I’ve decided AGAINST acrylic nails, for example for this reason: I do not want to perpetuate the myth that my hands are that perfect.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Jonalyn
February 6th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Thanks for the book recommendation, Jonalyn!
You might find the latest post at the CBE blog scroll interesting on this front….
As for grieving, I suppose I’ve done it a lot and gradually. It helped once I had specific diagnoses, which took awhile. But I’m not putting that old body in the grave. I’ve been sick ever since I was wrapping up college and have not been able to do any of the things God has called me to do, as illness has prohibited even the basic normal life. I can write some but none of the other things that He’s spoken to me about since I was 4 yrs old. So I am anticipating healing. Living in the limbo, neither in denial nor resignation is admittedly tricky.
Btw, having lived in the NE, the midwest, and the mid-South, I would not say that the look is overly regionally specific. Now there are some things, like the Tammy Faye Baker look that may be specific to a certain belief system w/in Christianity. And some denominations show a huge difference according to location, it seems. But I find plenty of it everywhere and diversions from it where you might not expect. (Both of the churches I’ve been involved in here in Tenn. have very simple pastor’s wives, though they are the rarity in town. Most of the churches I’ve been involved in up north have spiffy-polished leading women, though they may not represent the region as a whole. A couple had male-suits-in-a-different-color women playing it safe and respectable in an arena that demands so much of them. One has a pastor’s wife whom I’ve routinely found highly distracting b/c her clothing seems to drip sex appeal to my eyes; I’ve not said anything about it to any congregant but might have said something to her if I knew her well.)
Blessings,
Deb
February 12th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Deborah,
Would you mind including a link to that latest CBE blog scroll, I’d like to check it out, but am not sure which one you’re referencing!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on grieving, living in between denial and resignation. Did you know that Aristotle in the Nichomachean Ethics (the staple text for Virtue Theory) says that every virtue is the golden mean between two extremes. For instance, courage is the golden mean between cowardice and hubris. I wonder if “acceptance/awareness” or “lucid contentment” is the virtue between denial and resignation. I write “lucid” because I fear too many “Christians” are content without any awareness.
Nice observations about women in ministry and fashion. That may needs it’s one post soon.
Regarding your question in the Unmuted article suffice it to say that we’re in the process of revising and updating this article to reflect our more recent views. Glad you read so closely, you’re keeping us on our toes!
February 6th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I really should re-read my posts for commas and such before hitting submit. Haha!
I thought I’d throw a question out there, though off-topic. I read most of Dale and your article on allowing women to speak. The comment that you are not wanting to change the traditional role of male pastors confused me. Perhaps partially b/c I know you are egal, it seemed I could read that section more than one way, and this may have been a matter of diplomacy. Are you saying you do not want to change any particular church or denomination in regard to their views, that you are not demanding a woman in the pulpit where a man is doing well, or that you agree w/ the male pastor view and do not want to see women as senior pastors and would rather only see them as auxiliary speakers?
Feel free not to touch that one in this thread if too off-topic.
Deb
February 20th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Nice brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you for your information.
December 22nd, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Women should worry less about what their bodies look like. I’ve had two children. I do not look the way I did in my 20′s. And I don’t care. Why should I? Why should I worry about looking like the “ideal” woman that the media portrays? I don’t buy those lies. It kind of bothers me that your grandmother was so proud of those extremely unrealistic measurements, at least one of which, probably all three, was not her doing. Genetics plays the greatest role in the shape of of our bodies. (And adequate nutrition, but that doesn’t seem to be an issue here.) I understand that she was a product of her culture. I just hope you don’t think that you need to achieve those measurements or have the impossible notion that your body will EVER be the same after pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding even IF you return to your previous weight, which is far from a requirement for any woman.
December 23rd, 2010 at 7:10 am
A great point about my grandmother. Though, don’t you find that it’s easy to slip into pride about things we have no control over? I appreciate your encouragement to make a new standard for my life.