3-2-10 – Part 8 – GO GO GO GO GO!
During the pushing Dr. Leslie told me that the babies head needed to rotate more to face the back. That required a little different angle to pull on my legs. I started to worry if he was facing the wrong way and that I wouldn’t be able to push him back.
But the different angle on my knees did the trick. Linda would touch my shoulders a few times and say, “Relax your shoulders, put that energy down where it will help your baby.” Afterward Dale said, I instantly dropped my shoulders and he could tell a visible difference in my pushing.
In that last hour of pushing I made up my mind that I, Jonalyn Grace Fincher, would push this baby out no matter what. I remember choosing to stop caring about the pain, about the damage to my body, to mentally overcome it by thinking, It doesn’t matter if I’m torn in two, this baby is coming out. I am pushing him out. I will push with everything I have.
I remember it as a very conscious choice, sort of swearing to my own hurt and not changing.
The strength multiplied in me when I heard Leslie say “GREAT pushing, okay one more!” and Linda (my doula) say, “You have the strength in your soul to do this, Jonalyn!” and especially when I heard Dale cheering with each series of pushes. He’d peer down in amazement at Finn’s black circle of hair growing bigger and then come up and grab my hand and leg cry out, “Go, go, go, go, go, go!” all the way through the contraction. I was so excited he had so much hair.
I felt like I was in the last 100 meters of a two mile track race and my favorite person, my best friend, my most loyal fan and confident coach was running alongside me, yelling, “Go, go, go, go, go!”
With his encouragement I could do this, I knew I could. Dale kept leaning down to watching the progress. He was almost giddy with excitement so I dipped my empty ladle into his stream. I was thrilled he could be so involved.
“He’s coming, Jonalyn,” he cried out, “You’re almost there!” I felt like people had been saying that for an hour. And they had. Finn’s head was huge, 15 inches wide we’d later find out. I still can’t believe I pushed him out.
In the last moments, I felt like someone had lit me on fire, but I felt somewhat removed from the pain even as intense as it was. Dr. Leslie would tell me in a post-pardum check-up that many women need the epidural to relax enough and push hard enough. The pain prevents many from pushing as hard as they need to.
I totally get that, now.
At this hospital, the epidural rate is 90%. I feel proud to be in the 10%, not because I’m a glutton for punishment, but because I wanted to be fully present and awake to everything that was happening. And I know what the epidural covers and I know why it’s a blessing, too.
Speaking with a nursing friend of mine after the birth she wrote me:
God was definitely at work in guiding your choices and protecting you and Finn through the pregnancy, labor and delivery. I don’t know if you’ve thought about the fact that typically, if they had known that he was actually going to be so big, they would have scheduled a c-section.
Even if you said no thanks, that lingering doubt as to whether you could really push out such a big baby could have been a mental obstacle that could have prevented a vaginal delivery. Also, had you chosen to have an epidural, there is a good chance you would not have had the control and awareness to be able to push out a large baby. ALSO…if you had an epidural, Finn would have received some of the medication, thus depressing his breathing.
In light of some of complications with Finn’s breathing after the birth, I’m even more grateful I declined all medical interventions.
One of the hardest things about pushing is that you push so hard and make like an inch of progress, but when the contraction is over the uterus sucks the baby back like ½ inch. So it’s three steps forward, one back, over and over and over.
The moment I felt real hope flood my body was when I heard Dale say, “I can see his ear!”
I knew I had done it. There was no way I could pull that ear back up and in. I didn’t feel instant relief, however. I still had the additional work of pushing his enormous chest out. That felt almost as hard as his head, though Dale said it looked a lot easier.
I felt like I had control, even in that moment. I wouldn’t think about the next push, I would push and breathe deeply for the next push. Sometimes I would push when there was no contraction, I was so eager to get the baby out.
Then, all of a sudden his head was out and he gave one squeal, then was quiet. Knowing he could cry meant he could come and lay on my chest. Dale cut the ambilical cord and I sighed a high breath of joy. Dr. Leslie went to town with the bulb syringe beginning to pump his lungs and nose clear of liquid. I have pictures but I don’t want to overwhelm you with them.
My first sensation was not amazement at Finn, but relief that most the pain was over. I had done it, I had birthed a baby without pain meds. I had achieved my prayer and goal. God was good. I just lay there feeling so thankful.
Then, I wanted to see him. 
They wanted to clean him up, but Linda stepped in beautifully and said, “Let her hold him.” I temporarily forgot to be afraid of the next stage of pushing the placenta, finding out if I had torn and how badly, and having my belly massaged to contract the placenta as I held my baby boy.
Later, I found out that he was in my arms for no more than 3 minutes. It felt like 10 minutes. I looked at him and felt awash with relief that he was not harmed, no broken bones, and so much cuter than the ultrasound had made him appear.
“Look, Dale,” I said, “He doesn’t look like piglet!” We both smiled.
Then, they took him to make sure he hadn’t gulped down any meconium, to weigh and measure him. I heard Dale shout out from the baby station.
“Nine pounds, twelve ounces!” he said, taking pictures excitedly. “Jonalyn can you believe it?”
April 21st, 2010 at 9:31 am
so sweet! love the picture of you looking at him!
April 29th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
finally! the baby appears post
great job, team.
May 27th, 2010 at 11:59 am
Oh my dear friend of mammoth children, I commend you on your birth. There are very few of us petite mamas who have survived such a challenge. I was not successful with my GRE, but I vaginally birthed a baby girl who was 9 14.7 and 22.5 inches, This accomplishment is resume worthy.
Just a bit of encouragement my 2nd was smaller even though he was a healthy boy. We even continued with a 3rd and 4th. In the next few weeks your son’s personality will bloom. Enjoy!
June 4th, 2010 at 9:47 am
Nancy, we have enjoyed seeing his personality bloom.. it is just wonderful!