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Thighs this Summer and Curly Girls
I cut off an old pair of horse-riding jeans this morning. They’re short, even shorter when I roll them.
Yikes! I checked out my short shorts (and post-momma legs) in our mirror.
My legs, in the back, look like someone else’s legs. Not quite firm, not quite smooth, not quite tan.
I’m sort of concerned. This is what age does to legs? one of the areas I’ve thought was a positive, looks more like a neutral, or negative?
Will I get those veins that pop (I know, I know varicose, but honestly can’t we come up with a more creative, less scary word?)? Will wearing short shorts be unkind to all viewers? (Don’t worry, they weren’t hoochie short!)
I strode outside to seek Dale’s opinion. ”I just noticed something,” I announce.
“That your legs are beautiful?” Dale grins.
“No!” I allow myself a slight smile and finish, “That my legs look, well not the best back here.” I point, move, show him in the sunlight and the shade.
“And then there is this part that jiggles.” Dale weighs in agreeing with slight chubbiness, but not varicose veins. I agree with him. Not toned anymore.
That’s okay, I think. I don’t mind having some jiggly stuff. But wait,
“Do you think it’s ugly for people to have to look at my legs in these shorts?” I don’t want to disgust people with my legs. Dale shakes his head.
“No, not disgusting at all.” He smiles at me.
So at age 31, uncommitted to a work-out schedule but a woman who has thin genes and a love for hikes, I have a few more jiggle spots. And, so far, they’re not gross. That’s nice.
But how long? Probably not forever. 
Our body has an expiration date, but we can agree to a complete resurrection. In my new God-given body you better believe I’ll have legs similar to mine now. And I will have curly-hair, too.
For now, as we age, our little good points need all the bolstering they can get. We’ve got to own them and enjoy them while we have them. Which is why I’m stopping my mirror glances at my profile. I know my tummy is no longer flat, no need to berate and criticize at every mirror.
Since we have such a hard time finding little good parts to highlight about ourselves, as we age we need honest, helpful feedback about the lovely, unique things we showcase today, right now.
Which brings me to a player who is working against the good things my husband does for my body image, specifically Denver Water. I know they don’t know me, but they’re working against me.
Denver Water has a new “Use Only What you Need” campaign. I’ve seen the billboards every time we go to Denver. For example
The problem as I see it begins with the fact that my hair only looks like the “overwatered girl” when I spend a lot of time DOING it, we’re talking spiraling it around with expensive products, then diffusing it, careful not to over-dry to prevent that dreaded Frizz. (though if you do it right frizz can be back, but you have to have the outfit to go with it).
There’s another Denver Water billboard where the overwatered guy has a uni-brow and the appropriately watered guy has two eyebrows.
So a girl with big, curly hair is like a guy with a uni-brow? Some blogs, as curly girl friends of mine who religiously straighten, prove that guys prefer girls with straight hair. Would it be safe to say a group of male marketers put the Denver Water bill-boards together? 
Probably, or at least non-uni-browed men and some closet curly girls. I don’t really know.
What I do know is that frizzy haired women get affected by this stuff. And it harms our ability to believe curly hair is lovely.
I’m sure curly hair is gorgeous and I’m sure of it beyond yummy moments between Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. I know it because my big ol’ curly head of hair motivated Dale to give me a double take.
Jennifer Grey from http://www.05news.com/jennifer-grey-and-jamie-lee-curtis-75671/
Do you know what Denver Water’s billboards does to the huge minority of African American, Hispanic, Jewish, Indian (care to add some more?) curly haired women? They teach us we’re not appropriate, we’re “over watered.”
As Jewesses with Attitude point out, why not own the look, why not proudly call it a Jew-fro? or would mine be a “Pole-fro” or a “Span-fro”.
And another thing, why do females with crazy, big, sexy curly hair straighten, while the males wear it curly as part of their look? Denver Water’s billboards show male models with bushy beards and uni-brows who don’t get straight hair, they just trim up a bit.
I’m tired of hearing and watching curly girls go straight because it’s “appropriate”? The man after God’s heart wrote that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. That means curly hair is wonderful, fearfully so.
So from this Colorado girl with big curly hair, your efforts at marketing are not appreciated, Denver Water. Time to re-think your marketing strategy. You’re making me want to leave my tap on.
In conclusion, given the few special parts God gives each of us, why do we keep trying to look like the rest of people? Denver Water is part of the subtle, but pervasive cultural pressure that moved Jennifer Grey to endure rhinoplasty and completely alter the unique Jennifer look she was given. As she said of the experience, “I went in the operating room a celebrity – and came out anonymous. It was like being in a witness protection program or being invisible.”[1] Grey even considered a name change to jump start her new career.
Jennifer Grey before and after her nose job.
Okay, I’m not saying straightening our hair is the same as a nose job. I am saying altering our body to be different than a natural, healthy version of ourselves is worth noticing, thinking through.
Why do we do it?
I know why I used to do it, why I used to pull my hair slick back, why I used to wear long skirts, because I didn’t think I was really that cool without the products, the alterations, the leg-lifts and the flat iron.
This summer, I’m wearing the shorts and keeping the hair wild.
July 22nd, 2011 at 10:57 am
As someone who once slept on 40 sponge rollers only to have it go flat by 9am, let those curls soar, baby! Every time I find out one of my “straight-haired” friends actually has raging curls, I passionately share my envy, but apparently, it’s not my appreciation she is after.
Even though I’ve lamented many body parts since puberty, I determined, “I will not cut myself to be beautiful!” I’m so glad (as one woman put it) you let your husband be your mirror. As a single person, I’ve finally learned to let Jesus be mine!
Here’s another recent blog of a young mom on body image I thought was inspiring: “I promise not to call myself fat”: http://www.emergingmummy.com/2011/06/in-which-i-promise-not-to-call-myself.html
July 22nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Betty Ann,
40 sponge curlers. I love it. I used to use those, too, before adolescents when my hair got curly.
I’ve tried to compliment other curly haired girls, but I don’t think my comments outweigh their own. It’s valuable, however, to let them take the time to gently wake up to own what they have, as I know I’ll have to about more things.
Like your promise to yourself. I think plastic surgery could have a place if health is at risk, but so rare does that happen. My husband: my mirror, like that. Could you share more about what you meant by “let Jesus be mine!”?
Thank you for sharing Emerging Mummy’s lovely post. Some encouragement flowed to me from reading her!
Gratefully,
Jonalyn
July 23rd, 2011 at 12:48 am
Sometimes I feel like such a “validation whore.” Then I hate myself for being so needy. I want to be a giver not a taker, and the only way that will happen is if I remain in Christ, the Source. I came up with this cheesy little acronym, but it tells the story: I want to strengthen the CORE of my being by going to Christ, Our Rightful Encourager. He tells me that cellulite doesn’t matter, but stuffing my face when I’m anxious rather than bringing my fears and worries to Him does. He values my heart and my trust, not my waist size.
July 26th, 2011 at 10:03 am
Betty Ann,
Yes, Jesus, our rightful encourager. Nice Acronym. Jesus even used this desire to strengthen our hunger for his kingdom, “well done, good and faithful servant.”
Great distinction between why it’s harmful to eat instead of seeking his comfort. I do, sometimes, believe God can minister to us through chocolate, too, though.
I mean if it’s a good and perfect gift, it’s from him.
Amen, he values our heart… not our waist size. though I think he loves variety of waist sizes, too. I mean, he find dignity in our differences. I think I’ll be writing on that some more in the coming weeks. Have you found the book Women by Anne Leibovitz? I found it useful in seeing all manner of beauty in women. Fantastic photos.
July 22nd, 2011 at 1:17 pm
I have been reading your blog for some time now. I am a friend of Catherine McCormick’s and saw your blog on her blog. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement today! I just had my third baby last month and though I am genetically skinny also, I have the jiggly thighs and varicose veins going and I’m only 31 too! Also just tried on some short shorts today and can’t decide whether it’s gross or not:) My husband doesn’t think so either but I guess I’m embarrassed. So… after reading your blog I’m going to try to accept the legs God has given me and wear my shorts too!
July 22nd, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Julie,
Oh HOORAY for us, for accepting our husband’s mirror as a just, honest, loving place to reflect our body. Your comment made me think of this earlier post: http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/2010/02/women-and-their-wonderful-bodies.html Hope you enjoy and find more courage onward.
Glad you wrote in!
Isn’t Catherine wonderful?!
July 24th, 2011 at 8:12 pm
AHHHH! Jonalyn! I LOVED this post! The first time I met you and your gorgeous, crazy, curly hair, I had my long crazy locks pulled back in a tame bun. You have inspired me in so many ways and one way was to let my hair be! Seriously! I know it sounds crazy, but I know you understand:) Today I am the proud owner of shorter, crazy, big, curly hair and I cant tell you how freeing it is!
The second reason I loved this post is that I have real shorts for the first time in way too long!!! I have what I like to think of as “momma” knees (still hanging on to some extra pounds I lovingly put on to carry and birth my little Oliver). Now years ago I owned my ghetto booty when I learned it doesn’t go away no matter how hard I workout;) This summer I am owning my slightly overweight but not entirely scary legs too! I had a similar conversation with my husband (mirror) just last week. Thanks! i will have to remember when I am in Denver this week to take LONG, rebellious showers in protest!!!
July 25th, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Danielle,
Three cheers for us curly girls! Loved reading this. Made me happy.
Rebels who take long showers unite,
July 25th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
I don’t have “curly” hair per say, but it’s definitely wavy and when it’s longer, definitely wavy/curly. My hair doesn’t frizz as much as it used to (only because my hair has thinned from medications I need to take…sadness), but I think curly hair is awesome and beautiful. You rock your legs and your hair, Jonalyn!
July 26th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Thank you, Amy. You never cease to encourage me.
July 26th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Ohhh I groan inwardly at your talk of legs. I wish I had someone complimenting my legs though I know they are not remotely appealing. I am slim and whatnot and most people get annoyed when I moan about a body part but my longest-running difficulty is my legs – at 28 they are more like an 80 year old – veiny and riddled with cellulite that it seems I am not able to do anything about. I never wear shorts or skirts above the knee, so as to spare the world this sight.
It is sad to be so limited and yet I know everyone has a different body and I should just wear what’s best for my own. I’ve never had killer legs (crummy because they are quite long too).
And I dread any guy seeing my legs as I feel that they are a deal breaker – I’m sure there are girls with charming personalities and lovely, firm, clear unveined legs to display.
I wish I could find the capacity to let this go and love my body. And yet, I see images everywhere of stunning legs and feel my self shrink a bit. I hate to have this define me and bring me down. And it’s not even aging. It’s just my body. And people have commented on both the cellulite and veins – I’m not making it worse than it is, I swear. Maybe a little but it’s amazing how exaggerated everything gets when you feel a part is so repulsive.
ugh. I pray for acceptance and that men exist who could accept my flawed body – a woman who can’t pull of a cute little dress or shorts.
July 26th, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Coryn, I have a flawed body as well. I groan when women whine about how “fat” they are, especially when they’ve never shopped in the plus sized section. I do know that I am much more aware of my body and let it hold me back, than it actually does. I’m learning to accept my body as it is, flawed and all.
July 29th, 2011 at 7:44 am
Thanks Amy for the encouragement. It’s true how much is mental in my acceptance of it – entirely mental, really. Here’s to acceptance!
July 27th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Coryn,
I hope my male readers read what you’ve written.
Why do we find it so easy to agonize about things others find funny, quirky, endearing and a unique stamp of US? Why do we villanize the uniquenesses and make them THE only thing we can see in a mirror? Why is this common to all humans? I spoke of my hair and my legs, but these have become safe only because others have SEEN me in them and not shunned me.
I still wait for someone to do this for other parts of me I’m embarrassed about. The roughest part of this enterprise: I have to show them to be healed. We are wounded in community, it take community to heal us.
I’m wondering instead of feeing shame at your legs if you could re-visit those moments when people made comments… did you feel them reject YOU as a result? Feel free to answer or not answer here. Because I’m imagining that their comments while noticing also tagged this as a unique Coryn-ism. They probably placed it on a near and dear shelf with the other things you do well, things that make them smile.
Things like your courageous trailblazing soul….And here you are, blazing a trail for all of us. Your honesty makes me want to know you.
In my limited sexual/romantic/erotic experience no pair of legs is quite as sexy as a willing, vulnerable, uplifted soul.
July 28th, 2011 at 10:09 am
All very good questions.
And it is challenging to think about whether I felt them rejecting me. I think most of the comments I’m thinking of were pretty straight forward “Hm what are those lines on the back of your leg?” And often, I realize just now, they are in response to MY question! I was complaining about cellulite and my friend said “I don’t see anything there, I do see that spot on your leg” (which was some veins that show on my calf). Or I asked my dad if my calves were shapely, way back when i was a teenager…and he said No, you’re more like me, we tend to be long and not build such pronounced muscle.
So – really, it is me seeing approval. I just want people to tell me that I’m not as different as I am – I want to be told I look different than what I see in the mirror. I wanted to hear that I didn’t have veins or cellulite or I did have nicely shaped legs. But everyone just confirmed the truth of how I looked. But they didn’t reject me. And I know they have all called me beautiful in many other inner and outer ways that are uniquely me. And I have friends who say they would switch issues with me – I have never had issues with my stomach, it’s quite flat and they say they’d trade me their shapely legs for a flat tummy. agh. It is all so silly when I write it out.
Yet I’m still focused on these areas that are so frustrating to me. The other good parts aren’t enough, I need all of me to be irresistibly gorgeous! ha. sounds so petty but it’s kinda true. I’m not enough.
I think I have felt by comments, maybe not rejected but just put in my place – I’m not ever going to be this sexy leggy woman that I want to be, that seems so alluring.
I am still just me.
One thing I have found kinda helpful is attributing a sort of character to my less appealing parts. I remember reading Anne Lamott and she called her thighs the “Aunties” and I found it quite charming, she tried to treat them nicely and not be so cruel to them.
I have been trying to get myself to think of my long, solid legs as strong, rooted, unwavering, steadfast…qualities I am happy to own as a woman.
Thanks for your response. Your writing always pushes me to engage these issues and i’m thankful for that. I don’t love that this is still my issue in my late 20s, I want to enter my 30s with more acceptance – but I think I need to enter into these body image/self worth issues to get there.
July 28th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Coryn,
I see your hunger for feedback and relate to it. I remember asking similar questions and while I know i got some wonderful feedback I can’t remember it as much as the few moments when someone pointed out the less attractive stuff.
It is neat for us to be able to read your processing. Yes, it does look silly when we write it out. Perhaps this is part of our healing.
One thing that has helped me is to say, out loud to myself and to others things like “I know Catherine Zeta-Jones (insert any name here) will always be more visually stunning than me. I’m glad women like her exist.”
The demand to be more, to be gorgeous in THE one area we haven’t been given is actually, as my counselor would say, covetousness. When she once told me that I was better able to wrastle it down.
Coveting hurts us and hurts those we’re coveting from. It also tells God he is inadequate when he made us. It also tells Jesus his resurrection from the dead is not adequate to cover the sin and it’s marks (disease, etc) on us. That we think his timing of new bodies and his process of redeeming us now is pretty flawed.
So working, writing, confessing, striving to work out why we hate parts of our bodies and then taking the further step finding these areas worthy of respect and even value is sanctifying work i.e. it makes us more holy. I think Anne Lamott does this so well with the Aunties… I was thinking how cool your adjectives are for your legs. Makes me remember how last night I looked at my pregnancy marked body and said, “You are so strong,” out loud to myself. Now I want to name my tummy, too.
These moments are big holy-making steps for us, even though they’re (usually) unwitnessed by anyone but the Audience in heaven.
July 28th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Very helpful words.
Covetousness is a humbling word to associate with this way of thinking – helps me see how unhealthy it is. And not grateful or glorifying to my Creator.
Even thinking about saying that a model/actress will always be more visually appealing and i’m glad she exists…was hard! And how ridiculous…I am just realizing that I seem to be seeking attention, to be the best, most beautiful..and that is not why I was created and that is always temporary. Wasting thought that could be cultivating other qualities, ideas…
And apologies, I think I get a bit too detailed/honest in the comments here- but I think it’s for lack of other outlets…it’s good to see other women working through and talking about this stuff. I get a lot out of many dialogues happening thru the comments. Thanks for allowing my rambling and venting. I’m left with some really positive and healthy paths to take for healing and some hard mental/inner work!
Thank you
July 28th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
No apologies necessary, Coryn! Glad to have your voice here.
July 27th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
As a fellow 31-year-old curly girl, I hear you on all accounts. Thank you for posting this!
July 27th, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Thanks, Brenda.
I love your penchant for gardening and gorgeous kitties, too.
July 28th, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Know this is incredibly late but ive been meaning to stop by here for a while now. Theres so many levels or textures to touch on.
If there’s anyone who knows what it’s like to not enjoy or own a body, it was me. I dont say this pridefully, I say this as one confidante to another.
Throughout my teens, people would constantly comment on how much curvier I appeared than my older sister. Someone who also has thin genes in them, it seemed I never “fit in” to the traditional stereotype of ‘beautiful’ for others because of the curvature produced by my body.God had to do some heavy-duty healing and cleaning of my soul and spirit because of the negatively associated thoughts people had of me.
Later on,my hair became wavier, and certain individuals in my own family would deem that to be unattractive. I know what you mean with spending lots of time and products into your hair but it created that “unwatered – garden” look. Then I decided to cut it all off purely for acceptance by a family member. Oddly,my hair became straight again on its own.
Today, im really happy to say that while I know my body is small-waisted but yet a bit curvy, it’s okay! Im still fearfully and wonderfully made! I could look onto another female and compliment them for their figure as well. It’s interesting though, I am in the process of observing how other women respond when I compliment them. Thank you, Jonalyn for making me feel comfortable in complimenting others even if they dont return the favour.
Still, ever so often, I have to remind myself of what I read today : “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”.-Psalm 139:14-15 (NIV).
July 28th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Not too late at all! Love hearing your steps in owning your God given loveliness! Thank you, Kesara.
July 29th, 2011 at 6:50 am
From one wildly curly-haired lady to another…BRAVO!
)
July 29th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
The Kite sisters in Utah are doing something about this: http://www.beautyredefined.net/beauty-redefined-billboards-unveiled/.
I’m a curly/wavy and I recently got the best hair cut I’ve ever had. I don’t have to blow dry my hair anymore, I just let it air dry and it looks great. This is after almost 20 years of trying to straighten and flatten it. A nice look sometimes, but no need to fight your hair every day and end up with fried hair. Now I change my hair for the fun of it, instead of feeling like I have to fit in.
August 3rd, 2011 at 8:56 am
Amy,
Freedom is key in this business of owning our bodies. I love doing my hair straight to, for a fun difference.
Kite sisters! nice link.
August 2nd, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Thanks for the blog post – encouraging and enjoyable as always. I’m glad you liked that article.
August 15th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I liked your post! I wanted to share with you that after 15 years of hiding my legs I’m now wearing shorts too. Right this minute in fact.
Funny, your thoughts about curly hair and how men may find it less attractive. I always thought curly hair was gorgeous and I can’t see why it would be found less attractive. The grass is always greener…
August 17th, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Mandy O,
I think I need to do a new study showing the sexy-ness of curly hair. I’m not sure where or how, but I’m really interested in proving that.
You look just stunning in shorts, M.
I remember thinking you looked very strong and elegant.
J
August 18th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Jonalyn,
As a mother of both straight and curl hair girls, it is important for both of them to know that they are beautiful, just the way God made them. In our house we celebrate their natural beauty. Thanks for speaking up on this important, overlooked issue in the beauty world.
August 18th, 2011 at 7:34 pm
Jennifer,
I think a girl’s book needs to be written on the beautiful qualities of both. Wouldn’t that be fun?!