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Gifts of Vulnerability for Christmas
To my faithful ~ Dale and I have come to a deeply practical, life-giving understanding. I look forward to sharing in a future post how our new set-up has changed all of us, including Finn. This turning of a new leaf will be an appropriate bit of sharing for the New Year.
For now, I want to give you a reason to consider donning vulnerability along with peace, joy and love this Christmas.
I have a friend that trades with me. It’s taken us four years to get to this point.
We have sons close in age so on Tuesdays we swap the boys.
- Photo credit: Dale Fincher, December 2011
This week, my friend is super busy with work. Still, she made it a point to take time to ask me to watch her son for 45 minutes so she could get some alone time. I was so glad to help, and 45 minutes? That’s nothing.
Dale and I loaded the one-year old boys up and took them to the park.
A rather packed and humdrum day began to glow as we watched F and S giggle over the heights of the swing. We pushed them up into the last rays of the sun, warming them from the chilly playground.
We trotted them over the bridge to the library’s warmth where we played Dora on the computer and put books into the child’s book drop over and over.
Before I knew it, before we’d had a chance to really explore the millions of legos strewn in the playroom, my friend came back, nails sleek and shellac’d ready to claim her little one.
It was when I saw her smile I realized she had given to us.
She gave us the gift of receiving our gift, and receiving well, with grace and gratitude.
We gave her time, to be a mom who (in her words) is safe for one more day from mom jeans and a scrunchy.
Have you considered how the most womanly of gifts can’t be wrapped in paper and bows? Consider how difficult it really is to give things like:
- time
- attention
- questions
- thoughtfulness
- words
- health (if I am spiritually, mentally and relationally healthy I make for a much better friend!) (thank you, Sal for this list)
You could even title this list “The Gifts of Vulnerability” for each of them require friendships with safety, peace, mercy, joy, hope–all the things Jesus meant to bring into our lives. As he put it “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me” (Rev 3:20). To be with Jesus means we set our purse down, we pull our shoes off, we sit and have warm soup and bread with him.
Immanuel (God with us) means we are safe to be needy without fear. It is the thief that comes to kill, steal and destroy. The evil one’s work creates fear and guardedness. As my mother-in-law would say, “Is something killing you, or stealing from you? that is the work of the thief. It is not from God.”
Like last week, when I needed God’s comfort through the friendship of good friends, I realized that those I actually called for help, those closest to me, were women I can cry with and not fear judgment or quick-fix instruction. They image God’s hope and mercy, love and peace.
They are friends who rarely misunderstand or offer, as Sal calls it “unsolicited advice. They are friends who encourage my instincts, validating my thoughts and feelings.”
We need to ask and receive to see how much friends can give.
Think about your friendships. Who can you be honest enough to cry with? Who can you cry with and not feel like you must apologize for your tears? Who can you share a need with so that they can fill?
This last one can be tricky because we don’t want to demand our friends meet all our needs. Here are some ways you can give the gift of vulnerability to your friends this Christmas.
- My week is so crazy, I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t get some time to myself. I was thinking of getting a manicure tomorrow. Are you available for me to drop (insert child/s names here) for 45 minutes?
- I have company coming tomorrow and it would be a huge help if I didn’t have (insert child or dog’s name here) running around my legs. Any chance I could drop him by your place for two hours tomorrow?
- I’ve missed cross-country skiing (insert hobby/art/sport) so much. I was thinking we could both go cross-county skiing if we took the kids in the chariots. I’m free Tuesday morning. Any chance you could join me at Catamount?
- My friend/husband/family member just leveled me. I think I need someone to tell me if I’m going crazy. Do you have a moment for me to tell you what happened?
- My husband and son are sick and I need to get to the store. I was wondering if I text you a list of groceries if you could pick them up for me? I can swing by this afternoon and get them.
For me, it’s an honor to know a friend is close enough and open enough with me to ask. It comes as a great compliment. It means that I make them feel like they can be honest about that they need.
And Christmas, if anything, must begin with our acceptance of gifts bigger and better than we ever thought possible.
Photo Credit: http://pieceful-moments.blogspot.com/2010/12/first-noel.html
A version of these words was originally published at my female and friendship blog. Want to read more about becoming a better girlfriend? visit Let Me Be Me.
