I know men who proclaim in Sunday services words sharpened by a one-woman audience at home. Pastors around the country, relying on the women in their lives to help them. Personally, I count it a good thing when a man relies on a woman. I’m toe-deep in a book on this The Resignation of Eve: What if Adam’s Rib is no longer Willing to be the Church’s Backbone (BarnaBooks, 2012)
Depending on who you are, you may need more encouragement to rely on a women. Or you might be a woman who needs encouragement to rely on a man.
We all open doors for each other.
In the first pages of Ruby Slippers I wrote,
This book is dedicated to the men who opened doors for me.
My grandfather who opened Grace.
My father who opened Truth.
My husband, Dale,
who propped both doors open
so we might run through them together.
Dale has been holding and propping doors for over ten years. He taught me to take myself seriously.
I tweeted this, my #FeministEureka moment this week “When my husband asked me to swap domesticity for starting a non-profit with him Soulation.org“
I used to labor, unsuccessfully, over cheap steaks and slow-cooking vegetables to serve him up a warm meal (because that’s what women do when they love their men, right?) when Dale wanted to take me out to eat so we could talk, so I wouldn’t be diluted with the Betty Draper pattern I’d bought. Slowly my grip on my apron loosened and I went out and bought speaking clothes.
I learned to buy make-up and get my hair cut so I stood out for the right reasons.
Now I have some sweet little speaking outfits, and some realistic aprons (the kind you can wipe your hands on) because a man gave me more than half a chance.
Dale is a husband that backs up my ministry.
And I back our ministry, but not in the conventional sense. I garner more speaking engagements, more writing opportunities, and more blog readers. But I funnel them back into Soulation where Dale also speaks, writes and blogs. Dale still insists on sharing the spotlight, even if he’s pushed into the shadows a bit more. Last week he observed that, “RubySlippers is the jewel of the Soulation crown, *** readers a day.” There was no malice, no envy in his tone.
Made me realize what he’s given up in propping the door open.
This weekend, after a near death experience (crazy driver!) I felt a stirring of the Spirit. I prayed aloud and listened aloud (for more on this spiritual practice ask and I’ll blog about it). I sensed an idea from the heavens, rooted in the rood that drives us Jesus-followers forward.
I sensed God say,
“Give Dale a month, an entire month where you are Mom with a capital “M.” Give him the space to hammer out his next book, the memoir on spiritual abuse. Prop open a door for him and let me take care of you and your career.“
Prop open a door for Dale.
I know there are women who propped open doors for greater men than my husband.
A triumvirate of females propped the ministry doors for Jesus of Nazareth. They opened the portals with the only collateral a woman had in those ancient Roman days. They used their inheritance to fund his wandering, miraculous, prophetic ways. These women funded the Son of God.
I wonder what Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household thought of it, his wife such a prominent donor in Jesus’ non-profit.
I wonder what Magdalene’s family thought, another cultish dark dream? to fund a homeless man who spoke so fearlessly. He’d probably wind up killed.
I wonder about Susanna.
But we have it in Luke, “Also some women, who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; Johanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping support him out of their means” (Luke 8:2-4)
I want to know about the many others. A ragamuffin bunch, unclean by the Jewish God’s standards. Healed of dirty things, vulnerable, worse for wear, probably loopy, still socially tainted . . . but powerful.
They put their money on the right guy.
These women’s 401ks and bonds were liquified into the coins that filled Judas’ purse, the green stuff that bought the Passover meal and food to fill the bellies of the crowd that surged into Peter’s home in Capernaum (Mark 2:1).

Photo credit: imperiumarts.com/roman.html
Rich ladies still run things.
I may not be rolling in millions, but I’m rich in organization and time management. I can manage my work and Finn for a month so Dale can rush through a door I wedge open.
8-5, Monday through Friday, can I do it? can I be Mother?
I actually believe I’ll enjoy it.
For one month.
Let’s see what this rich lady can do.





Jonalyn,
You can totally do it! I love that you hear the voice of the Lord and listen to Him. I can’t wait to hear how this goes. I’m also so excited for Dale. His book does need to be written. Love how you love each other. Just another example of your partnership.
Hugs to you,
Julia
Jules,
Thank you for believing in us!
This entry was a breath of fresh air. It is so nice to read about your freedom in walking beside your husband as a true partner. Too many women struggle to force themselves into the wrong aprons thinking that’s what they’re meant for, when they’re meant for so much more–they’re meant to walk their own path, their journey of strength, be that cooking and serving in a “traditional” way, or be that speaking and serving along-side, or be that working to earn the money to support the service of others. It’s a beautiful thing to see a women confident in the freedom she has to follow that path–to wear the right apron for her.
Renee,
I loved how you took this apron metaphor and ran with it. It made a beautiful picture for me.
Thank you for embracing freedom and encouraging all women to notice that customized path we each get to walk!
Jonalyn,
Thank you so much for this stirring, inspiring post. In reference to this where you said: “I prayed aloud and listened aloud (for more on this spiritual practice ask and I’ll blog about it). “…I’M ASKING – tell us more about this.
Thank you!
Anon P,
I just responded to AI above with this answer.
Thank you for asking!
After reading the above, would you let me know if you’d like to hear more about it?
Great post! God calls us to serve our spouses in ways that require we bend our ears to Him. We would be doing the Holy Sprit a disservice if our aspirations were limited to serving in “traditional” roles because that’s what other people expect. There is so much more that God asks of me. I don’t iron his shirts, but I tone down my professional goals so that we can accomplish current, more pressing needs like coddling our little ones. You and Dale are great examples of how to make this work. I pray for a peaceful and blessed month for this venture.
Mandy,
This is one of the biggest problems I have with “traditional” or “typical” roles (in quotes for may reasons, but one reason because these roles are not traditional, nor long-term, every culture has their own re-interpretation and application of them) is it mutes our God’s instruction from reaching our ears. Don’t you think that God will often ask us to do something we don’t expect?
Sometimes the traditional gender roles is exactly what love looks like, but often God shows us more creative ways to love. I know wives who do everything a traditional wife should do, but they do not have vulnerability with their husbands, nor are they willing to grow to challenge him. I believe this directly affects the sexual and emotional intimacy of a marriage. In my mind traditional roles can keep us from trying out new things in our career, in our parenting, in vacationing, in bed. I believe traditional roles can leave us more afraid.
For me, right now, a traditional role (staying home with Finn) is the new thing. By the 4th week it may not feel so new. But, by golly, I’m going to try to wash it with creativity as best I can.
Thank you for praying for us, we need that.
Would like to hear more about this please: I prayed aloud and listened aloud (for more on this spiritual practice ask and I’ll blog about it). Thanks!
AI,
Thank you for asking. I’ll add to my blog cue to write more about it formally.
Short version:
In the practice of Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach, as well as other mystics, Teresa of Avila, for instance, I’ve begun praying aloud and then listening.
I will ask God a specific question like, “What do you want me to share with this group next weekend?
and then I wait until I believe God has an answer.
I actually speak out loud what I think I hear God saying, to make sure I hear specifically with my own ears what I “sense.”
G: “You’ve learned of my trustworthiness with Finn at the hospital, tell them about my love.”
J: “Do you mean the time he almost died?”
G: “Yes, share with them how you feared and cried and called on me.”
J: “But, God . . . .”
and so forth.
I often walk through our woods alone and talk to God like this when I’m feeling anxious or alone, needy or confused.
I have pages in my journal that I’ve recorded what I believe I’ve heard. It’s amazing how easy it is to recall afterwards. Almost all the themes of our times together revolve around his love or my loving others.
This method, however, is not something that is foolproof. We can, after all, deceive ourselves into thinking God is saying something when he is not. This is part of the goodness of speaking it aloud. I’ve actually said something that I thought was from God, but as soon as it was out of my mouth I realized: this is shaming and God doesn’t shame us. So I realized it was from me and my psyche not God.
The practice is specifically explained in Frank Laubach’s spiritual jewel of a book: Letters by a Modern Mystic. I highly recommend.
“Propping doors open” for each other is the beautiful business of loving well. It’s a sign of a good partnership, where each partner is thriving and growing. You and Dale have this down! I am anxious to read this new work of Dale’s.
I think where I’ve seen it most in my experience is partnering WITH my husband to prop doors open for other people. Noticing and moving over to make a way for their place of growth has brought us amazing joy and benefitted them. I usually do the noticing and the research, and he makes the way open for them. It’s been fun!
Becky,
Thank you for cheering us forward with Dale’s new project.. I will let him know you shared this.
I appreciate this observation about propping doors together for OTHER people… nice point. Perhaps this is part of the fun of parenting?
Hi Jonalyn,
Thank you for responding regarding asking out loud and then listening for the answer. I did read your response to AI.
I would like to hear more about it – I would love it and appreciate it if you would indeed blog about the practice more specifically.
Particularly about how you “know” it is God. What that feels like, what the obstacles are to hearing Him in this way etc. et.
Always great to hear from you, Jonalyn!
Anon P,
Good news! I have a post on how to have a conversation with God coming up on Positively Human (another imprint of Soulation) here: http://www.PositivelyHuman.org
It will go live MONDAY!
I know you’re going to bless Dale’s socks off, and in the process bless yourself over this new project. That book about spiritual abuse is much-needed. Sounds like this month there is a special prayer request – for Dale and his thoughts and special grace for you all.
“Change always comes bearing gifts.” ~Price Pritchett
Thank you, Mandy. I know we will both need extra grace and prayer, to support each other well in this time!
P.s. Where do you find all of these deep, good books?
That’s a very good question. I’m always writing them down based on tweets or good friend recommendations. My main source is my good friend, Dr. Sally Falwell who writes http://www.LetMeBeMe.org with me. And then, books are always leading me to new books, bibliography and such.
And lots of people write me with their favorites so I look their reviews up and then add to my enormous list.
If you have a topic in particular I can share the best books I know about it… in case you want more books to read! HA!