Part 2

Meet Vyckie (if you missed Part 1).

I met the activist and atheist, Vyckie D. Garrison, first on Twitter. Our Facebook and then face-to-face conversation confirmed my hopes. Vyckie cares about thinking, open-mindedness, and honesty. At first, these qualities led her to Christianity, but they couldn’t keep her. For more than 16 years, Vyckie was a prominent member of the Quiverful, a Christian fundamentalist group that bans birth-control (think Duggar family).  But for the sake of her own mental and physical health and that of her children, she divorced her husband and left Christianity. Drawing from what she calls the “extremism” that fueled her fundamentalism she now works at No Longer Quivering (@NoQuivering) where she rescues women who are disenfranchised from Quiverfull living. At No LongerQuivering.com you’ll find her team faithfully writing against spiritual abuse.

I'll be teaching a creative eCourse at the end of January on how to have spiritual conversations without losing your friends. Find out more by clicking this image or go to soulation.org/spiritualtruth

I’ll be teaching a creative eCourse at the end of January on how to have spiritual conversations without losing your friends. Find out more by clicking this image or go to soulation.org/spiritualtruth

On a personal note, the day of our interview recording, Vyckie wrote something very kind on her wall (see Part 1). Hugely complimented, I was also a little daunted to talk with Vyckie. You see, for all her openness, Vyckie also says things like “Jesus is the Big Guy who exemplifies the abusive bully” and “The entire Bible is out of context and has no place in the 21st Century.” To hear these statements in context, check out her Easter presentation to the American Atheists, Inc. “Escape from Duggarville: How Playing the Good Christian Housewife Almost Killed Me“.  240,671 people liked her speech.

Crushing Her Kids

To me, the most provocative point Vyckie made was that Christianity was crushing her children. In her words, they were “thoroughly confused”. Vyckie’s words made me think of other casualties that I know, like the purity movement’s forceful mandates that still produce adults with symptoms identical to sexually abused adults, for more: Breaking Shame: Why Purity Culture Works).  Vyckie became a devoted Christian because she wanted a good, safe, loving home for her children. But, the sheer rigidity of the rules gave her kids issues that felt insurmountable. Before you start psychoanalyzing Vyckie, Stop, Wait, Notice.

Put yourself in Vyckie’s shoes. You’re being as faithful a wife as you can possibly be, a Proverbs 31 woman, and you are banking on the promise of this rigid parenting (don’t spare the rod) turning out obedient, God-fearing, and flourishing children. But then, your kids don’t seem flourishing, in fact, they seem to be dispirited.

What’s wrong? You can question yourself (which I’m sure Vyckie did for years), you can question your kids (more spankings in order), or you can question the system (which was her faith).

For many of us, the most important place we will defend Christianity will be with our children. Our capacity to understand the Bible and translate it into the relevant issues plaguing our children’s life is where God is specifically asking us to be his disciples. Three areas I’ve noticed we can do better:

  • When our children are bullied, can we integrate Jesus’ teaching of “turn the other cheek” with God’s passion for justice and shalom?
  • When our teen experiments sexually (against our instruction) can we talk with them about why this desire is so good, so strong, and still so sacred?
  • When our family shuns or teases our child for being THEM, revealing the family’s anxieties about our child’s uniqueness, how can we help our children “let their lives speak”? (Psalm 139:14)

For each question, we must be able to use our own lives to preach truth. Christianity is meant to be a light load, a place of rest for our souls. How have we asked Jesus to apprentice us in these areas?

  • What did we do, or wish we had done when we were bullied?
  • What did we do when we wanted or went “all the way” with that guy/girl? How was God a part of our shame, delight, or discovery of our body’s sexual power?
  • How do we own our own “weirdness” when faced with our family’s disapproval? as a child? as a teen? as an adult?

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A few more subjects Vyckie brought up:

  • Can you trust the Bible as literally true and not be a fundamental? I believe you can, but what lines divide these two groups? What makes a person a fundamentalist verses a literalist about Scripture? Another key question to face for the sake of our children.
  • The problem of over-confidence that nothing could change our mind.
  • The dangers of isolation: from limiting our own reading material to simply/solely Christian writers, to not allowing ourselves to talk with anyone (except family members) of the opposite sex.
  • The hunger for more conversation that what fits our gender stereotype, and the way cross-sex friendship gave Vyckie a chance to have intellectual debate.
  • Vyckie mentioned Chris Hedges’ book American Fascists. Have you seen the American Right or just Christians in general as a people group with deep disconnect from the host culture?

Please discuss in the comments. I’d particularly like to hear from those who were raised with are have been counseled to use child-rearing practices that were marketed as the “the Biblical way.” Did any of these practices concern or damage you?

All respectful comments (from any faith or non-faith background) welcome.