Perhaps you were raised to think God and sex were two subjects that should never mix. Perhaps you thought (still think?) that God is a little embarrassed by erotic things, by physical pleasure. Maybe you’ve started to rethink some of the *spiritually abusive ideas you were raised believing.
Maybe you’ve found yourself wanting to ask questions like:
- Is “duty sex” ever healthy? Like, if the husband wants sex, then wife doesn’t, is it ever good to just “give in”?
- Are men really more turned on by sight and women by touch? How would you counter this idea?
- I was raised deprived of physical touch from the opposite sex. How do I set boundaries? How do I know what’s normal?
- In a “men-are-initiators-women-are-submitters” Christian environment, the wife is expected to be ready and willing at any moment to fulfill her husband’s desire, eventually making sex a duty, a chore to mark off the check list. How can the wife have a voice in the bedroom?
- If a dating couple has spent years denying physical pleasure in their relationship (due to the purity movement), once they are married and “allowed” to have conjugal relations, how does one lower that wall they have built?
- When does a man’s desire for role-play border on objectification in the bed room or are there no rules in the bedroom?
- How do you notice and call out shame (without shaming) in our marriage or dating life?
- I think I was raised with sexual silence. How can I break the shame I feel about being silent about power and pleasure in my own body?
- What would you suggest to parents who come from very sexually constricted or repressed backgrounds so they can help kids understand sexuality with freedom and boundaries
- I am a survivor of sexual abuse. What can I do to experience safety and intimacy in my sexual expression?
This summer, I’ll be sharing short videos taken from my two hour Emerald City interview on “Shame, Intimacy and Sex Ed” with Christian sex therapist, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers. You’ve already seen her at RubySlippers’ posts and interviews. Dr. Sellers is a wife, mother, professor, founder of ThankGodForSex.org, certified sex therapist, and licensed family and marriage therapist. Those last two are a dynamic duo of credentials that are rarely seen together. And the lack of professionals who practice both family/marriage and sex therapies is a big problem for those of us who want thriving marriages and thriving sex lives. Thank God for Tina! I particularly love the way she lives a sexual intimacy that she teaches (My Love List for My Husband . . . And Why Gratefulness is Good for the Heart).
Because of Dr. Sellers practical concern that Christians understand that God created erotic desires, Tina is one of the best sources I’ve found in helping me navigate the pillow talk between me and my husband. Follow her blog and thoughts @TinaSSellers.
This summer you can look forward to a new video every week at RubySlippers.org! Watch the 2-5 minute videos that seem helpful to you, leave the rest.
While I work closely with the growing group that’s signing up for my “God, the Bible, and the Gay Christian” eCourse, those of you who are hoping for a summer series here at RubySlippers won’t be left hanging. I’ll be available for direction questions in the comments, otherwise, I’ll look forward to reconnecting with you all in September.
A sneak peak at what the Summer of Sexuality will be like. In three minutes, watch Dr. Sellars answer my question, “What about Role Play or Being MisMatched in Lovemaking?” It’s the old question of different sexual drives. Watch out for the warning of what is unfair in the bedroom.
If reading in email view here.
*Spiritual abusers employ emotional, physical or sexual abuse but justify their behavior with God or the Bible. For example, “The Bible says the marriage bed is undefiled so that means we can have sex any way I want.” Spiritual abuse can be intentional or unintentional. A spiritually abusive community (church, family, working environment) is a religious community running on the high octane of shame. Learn more and recover your soul here.
Click here for abuse recovery.
Click here for duty sex.